Annabel Manners

The Only Dress That Mattered

2012-01-16T06:29:00.001-08:00

If there's one thing you can count on at the Golden Globes, it's visual noise. Sparkly headbands. Big red lips. All the trends, triumphs, and dubious choices that compete for our attention and focus.

And then there are defining moments in which someone shows up and yanks the red carpet out from underneath everyone else. Last night it was Angelina Jolie, who looked flawless (and fearsome) in Versace. Her expression said, "I am an incandescent, superhuman MOVIE STAR. The rest of you are merely playing for second."

A few stylistic observations:

J'adore Charlize Theron, but I felt she was a shade too old for that gown. (Just a tad, just a sliver, just a smidge).

By contrast, Lea Michelle dressed at least two decades beyond her years. She looked like an inveterate cruise ship performer.

Not to be snide, but what was Real Housewife Kyle Richards even doing there?

The ladies of Modern Family all looked amazing and appropriate, from sexpot Sofia Vegara to demure Julie Bowen.

Emma Stone is a fashion all-star, but that color wasn't quite right for her.

Julianne Moore in Chanel = YUM.

Why so dour, Michelle Williams? You're cute as a button! (If you need a reminder, here she is looking fantastic in Jason Wu.) Lovely acceptance speech, though.

Believe it or not, I liked Tilda Swinton's look. Yes, I'm aware of the 80s music video hair, but that dress was top-shelf.

Meryl Streep should know better.

This one's a little delicate: Busy Phillips' gown didn't work at all. Unless she's pregnant, in which case it makes perfect sense.

Kate Beckinsale is a great beauty, but I wasn't feeling the boxy bodice of her white dress.

Our usual reliable people (like Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Richie and Jessica Alba) looked reliably glam and relaxed.

Poor Sarah Michelle Gellar was hoping for fresh and different and got... a tie-dyed dress that just didn't flatter.

Katharine McPhee keeps showing up on best dressed lists, but I thought her look was beige at best.

The custom Prada worked nicely on Zooey Deschanel, but who could see it behind that heavy cloak of hair?

Bradley Cooper needs to shave but is undeniably delicious.

Speaking of the fellas, Johnny Depp has officially bested Brad Pitt. Was he hotter all along? It's now abundantly clear.

Now tell me, what were your best and worst? And how excited are we for the Oscars?

Second Baby Registry

2012-01-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Annabel Manners,

If a mom had a baby a year ago and got pregnant again when that baby was 8 weeks old, is it appropriate for her to register for gifts? How about putting where she is registered on an invite for a sip 'n see? The sip 'n see is for the second baby.

Thank you,
A

Dear A,

Wow! That sounds like a LOT for one mom to manage.

From an etiquette standpoint, there are several things to consider. Let's clarify two important terms:

A baby shower is a party for a new mother-to-be. It's thrown by her family or friends, and the whole purpose is to make sure she has what she needs to welcome and care for the baby. It's perfectly appropriate to register for gifts, though most people don't have showers the second time around.

A sip & see is a casual gathering (often hosted by a family member) whereupon friends are invited over to meet the baby. Lots of guests might bring a little something, but this party is not about gifts. (Click here to read an archived Annabel Manners post on how to host a sip & see.)

Your case is a little unique in that you have to double up on big-ticket items like car seats, high chairs and strollers. (Oh my!) I'm sure your friends and family will understand this, and some may even wish to pitch in on essentials. For this reason, I think it's OK to register, but you shouldn't expect the same type (or volume) of gifts you received when you were pregnant the first time.

Next, let's address the business of notification. You may disagree with me, but I don't believe in putting registry information on party invitations. Ever. I find it greedy and crass. This applies to both bridal and baby showers alike. If a guest wants to know where you're registered, she'll simply ask you or the hostess, or do a little online sleuthing to find out for herself.

Best of luck with your rapidly growing family!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Holiday Etiquette: 10 Tips For Celebrating In Style

2011-12-19T18:29:00.000-08:00

Season's greetings, dear readers! It is I, your sporadic etiquette blogger, back with some last-minute holiday survival tips. Here's how to stay gracious while keeping spirits bright...

1. Have a go-to hostess gift you can count on. This year, I've relied heavily on my famous rosemary shortbread and these impossibly cute wine-bottle sweaters. Can you stand it?! (Score yours for a mere $8.95 at Pier 1.)

2. Mind your RSVP's and Q's. When you're the hostess, headcount matters. Be a gracious guest by responding promptly and honoring your commitment to attend.

3. That said, don't push yourself to ridiculous lengths. You can't make every single cocktail party, cookie swap, white elephant and yuletide tea. Know when to send polite regrets -- lest you end up like me. (Currently run-down and battling an annoying Christmas cold.)

4. When shopping for gifts, avoid anything that hints at a need for self-improvement on the part of the recipient. Diet books, Botox coupons, and gift memberships to dating websites aren't exactly tidings of comfort and joy. =)

5. Receive graciously. When you open a present, say a sincere thank-you that acknowledges the gift-giver's thought and effort. (Even if you know for a fact that chartreuse throw blanket will be on its way to Goodwill no later than January 2.)

6. Keep track of your gifts so you can send thoughtful handwritten thank-you notes. As longtime readers know, this is considered Annabel Manners 101.

7. Travel in style. A friend of mine recently confided that when flying, he always dresses for the possibility of a first-class upgrade. After all, one never knows. That means no yoga pants or pajamas, even for overnight flights.

8. Here's a party trick that's easier said than done: priortize. What's really more important? Painstakingly stringing popcorn and cranberries in a fit of Martha mania or squeezing in a pre-party power nap so you'll be fresh for the next fete?

9. Accept help. Nobody will mind that half the goodies on your holiday table came from the bakery down the street. Pop them on a silver tray and present them with pride!

10. Cultivate a signature look. When in doubt, black is always elegant for evening. Accessorize with festive jewelry and a fabulous pair of heels. You'll be the belle of any holiday ball! (The dress pictured here is by Tibi.)

Blogger's note: Obviously this list would have been more useful on, say, December 2. Where did the weeks go? I feel like I've been through a holiday hurricane, and I bet you do, too. I'm already crafting a list of resolutions for next year's posting schedule...

In any case, I wish each of you a wonderful, Merry Christmas and a safe, happy new year. See you in 2012!

Annabel Manners In Paris

2011-11-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

Bonjour, long lost readers! Hope you'll forgive my blogging truancy. I recently returned from nine glorious days in Paris!

And guess what? I'm engaged! That's right, there will soon be a Mr. Manners, and we couldn't be more excited. :)

Our trip was unforgettably fabulous. A few observations:

1. I studied fashionable locals like an anthropologist in the field. From 20-year-old college girls to chic 60-somethings, Parisian women are unfailingly posh and put together. No one looks sloppy. No one succumbs to elastic pants. It's about handbags, heels and darling coats and scarves. In other words, these are my people.

Here's a glimpse of a delicious Prada store window:

2. I could live quite happily on wine, cheese, and Laduree macarons. While in Paris, the Mr. and I developed a worrying habit. Near the end of our trip, I heard myself say, "Perhaps we should buy one last BIG box. To ease the transition. You know, step us down gradually." Those of you in New York have access to the first-ever U.S. store. Lucky canards.

3. Nine days is too few to see everything Paris has to offer. We hit several museums (I want to be a member of the Musee de Orsay), lingered in Hemingway cafes, marveled at the Pantheon, and admired the Sacre Coeur. Why didn't I spend a whole semester abroad in college? And more importantly, how does one pull that off as an adult?

Here's a peek inside Marie Antoinette's bedroom at Versailles, where naturally I felt right at home.

Alas, now we're back home and normal life has resumed, but there's plenty to report on right here in Los Angeles. The Kardashian family alone could keep an etiquette blogger in business!

Wherever you're reading, I hope you're headed for a gracious and wonderful week. Xo!

Treats For New Parents (And Big Sibs)

2011-10-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine recently welcomed baby number three - a small sister for two sweet boys under five.

(I adore these children. The oldest once asked a woman in extremely short shorts, "How come you wore your underpants to the park?")

Obviously I wanted to bring them dinner (because that's just what you do) but it dawned on me that the menu might need to be tailored to appeal to a pint-sized palette. I approached the task from a new-mom-and-dad perspective. What could I make that two bleary-eyed people could prepare in a snap?

I started with my insanely easy potato leek soup (recipe at the bottom of this post). It's tasty, nutritious, and freezes like nobody's business. Then came the fun part: brainstorming delectable kid cuisine to go with it. I opted for:

Plain cheese quesadillas. Nothing but whole wheat tortillas, light cheddar cheese, and a little Earth Balance.
Poultry a la child: roasted chicken breasts with olive oil, salt and a hint of pepper. When these were done, I cut them into bite-sized pieces and popped them in Tupperware.
Strawberries. Rinsed, dried, hulled, and halved.
Animal crackers

Preschool perfection!

Annabel's Classic Potato Leek Soup

2 tablespoons butter
2 leeks
3 baking potatoes (peeled and chopped)
1 quart chicken stock (vegetable will do but chicken has more flavor)
splash of half-and-half (optional)
plenty of salt and pepper
chopped herbs (dill, chives, sage, and rosemary all work beautifully)

Trim and wash leeks. (If you've never worked with them before, here's a helpful video from the late great Gourmet magazine.) Pat dry. Melt the butter over medium heat in a large, heavy stockpot.

Gently saute the leeks (about five minutes) until they're translucent. Add potatoes and stock. Increase the heat slightly and cook for exactly 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove from heat. Here's where an immersion blender works wonders (perhaps the best $20 I've ever spent at Target). If you don't have one, you can puree your soup in a regular blender by working in batches.

Season with a generous amount of salt and pepper, tasting until you get precisely the right mix. Swirl in a tiny bit of half-and-half -- you only need a tablespoon or two to boost the richness. Stir in fresh chopped herbs to taste. Divine!

One last thing: as a savvy Annabel Manners reader once pointed out, disposable containers are the only way to go. That way, the new mother won't have to stress about returning them to you.

Congrats to the big brothers and proud parents!

(P.S. The baby pictured here is not my friends' newborn. These people would never name a child "Braelinn," thank you very much. But the cute stationery is available here.)

:)

Texting Etiquette

2011-09-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

Nobody makes me laugh quite like The Flip Flop Contessa. She's the life of any party, a legendary hostess, and a hilariously bossy Scorpio with impeccable taste.

We've logged countless hours sipping wine on her porch. Once, when we were making plans to hang out, she said to me:

"Sure, Thursday sounds good. But can we set aside some time to, like, talk about people?"

Occasionally she'll throw me a pointed look and add, "I have a little something to discuss with Annabel Manners..."

Loosely translated, this means, "Someone we know is being insufferable. Wait until you hear about this."

Her latest rant has to do with text etiquette. Specifically, the question of when to text and when to call.

Obviously texting is convenient, addictive and fun. It's perfect for tactical topics like:

I'm running 10 minutes late. Eek!
Meet me in the shoe department @ Bloomies :)
Reservation is under my name.
Low on wine! Can u please grab some on your way?

That said, there are also things one should NEVER text. Things like:

We're engaged!
It's over.
Guess who's pregnant?
I have terrible news...

Of course there are exceptions and nuances to every rule, it's just that certain topics (and certain people) deserve an old-school phone call.

As our phones become increasingly capable, it's hard to remember their (former) primary use.

Today's Haute Tip: If you're about to drop some big news, pick up the phone and dial. Save the texting for tiny developments, not huge, tectonic shifts. LOL.

P.S. Love the cell phone case pictured here? Visit LipstickShades.com. I'm obsessed with mine. Obsessed!

Fashion Bloggers, Meet Rachel Bilson

2011-09-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

There are those who watch television, and then there are those who watch shows for clothes. Guess which category this couture-obsessed blogger falls into? :)

Last night I was invited to visit the set of the new series Hart of Dixie, where Rachel Bilson and costume designer Meredith Markworth Pollack hosted an informal conversation about style.

Rachel stars as a displaced New Yorker marooned in BlueBell, Alabama. Her character arrives with an enviable suitcase full of Dries Van Noten, Valentino, and Chloe pieces. Readers, I had such fun browsing a wardrobe-department rack packed with size-zero Helmut Lang skirts! Not to mention all the Chanel pieces and tiny Tory Burch shoes... mon dieu!

By contrast, Jamie King's character wears poufy, feminine confections, many of which are vintage. And since her character's name is Lemon, she naturally wears lots of yellow.

For me, this costume designer is a rising star in her own right. I asked how she got her start, and she told me it was by assisting Eric Daman on the first two seasons of Gossip Girl. (!) Needless to say, she's thrilled with this new opportunity and loves working with Rachel, whose connections in the fashion business enable them to get samples from designers for free.

Being a stylist also makes you a savvy shopper. Meredith explained that her wardrobe budget is limited, so she can't just shop at Barney's the way Rachel's character (or Rachel herself) would. Instead, she hits Loehmann's, designer outlets, and TheOutnet to score killer items for less.

Another highlight? Chatting with lovely bloggers Brunch at Saks, Nautical By Nature and Song of Style. Be sure to check out their coverage as well!

Oh, and if you want to see Meredith's work in action, catch Hart of Dixie starting Monday, September 26 on the CW.

xo!

Star Sightings and Summer Love

2011-09-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

Darling readers, how on earth can it be September? Between job hopping, summer travel, and a precious new baby niece, life is moving at a dizzying (but deliciously) fast pace.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a starry experience I just had to share...

The Scene: Rosewood Tavern, a new-ish steakhouse/pub on Fairfax in L.A.

At the next table sat several character actors (recognizable but hard to name) and one super-cute star: Mr. Paul Rudd, whose photos just don't do him justice.

Now, this would have been exciting enough. Josh from Clueless! He's infinitely better-looking in person, not to mention fascinatingly ageless.

Well, you'll never guess who joined that table. My boyfriend spotted him first.

"You are going to DIE when you see who just walked in. Which celebrity do you love best of all?"

"L.L. Cool J?" I guessed, incredulous.

"OK, second best."

And that's when I knew. Jon Hamm, who ordered a glass of red wine five feet away!

Talk about an etiquette conundrum. How do you stay politely focused on your dining companion when all you can think about it is, "Oh my God, I've never seen anyone so handsome in my whole life. Who looks that good in a white t-shirt and jeans? Can we talk about those shoulders?"

Needless to say, I held it together. But just barely.

*****

As longtime readers know, I never let go of summer without a fight. The words "back to school" make me want to play Beach Boys records and wear sundresses until Halloween. Which is completely feasible in Los Angeles, albeit a little silly.

Still, one must always keep moving ahead, and for me fall fashion is a great motivator.

Y'all are going to think I've lost my mind, but over the weekend I bought the most FANTASTIC faux leather skirt to help ease the transition.

The key to making something like this work is to pair it with unexpected extras, like a crisp white button-down and high-end heels. I deliberately bought mine a little big so it would sit lower on my hips and provide a few additional inches of length. Alternatively, you could rock the short version with black tights to eradicate any risk of tackiness.

Apparently this skirt has some star power, too. The girl ringing me up said Nicole Richie bought the exact same one last Thursday when she was at the Beverly Center for Fashion's Night Out.

Fun, flirty, and a mere $15.80?

I can totally fall for that.

Parisian Chic and Eek

2011-06-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, y'all.

I had a deep, visceral response to this unbearably trashy dress by Herve Leger.

To be fair, I think it belongs on someone slight and scrawny who's trying to create the illusion of curves. Someone who's the exact opposite of Kim Kardashian.

On the other end of the sartorial spectrum, we have Rutina Wesley, who looks simply divine at the premiere of True Blood season 4. The whole ensemble is very Midnight in Paris (which, by the way, is a cinematic treat).

Back to Kim for one tawdry second. The neckline of her getup makes me think of the Eiffel Tower, which in turn evokes these darling cocktail napkins from Sur La Table.

What do you know? With only two cute images, I'm feeling immensely better.

Readers, never underestimate the power of visual sorbet.

What to Wear to a Movie Premiere

2011-06-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hello Annabel,

My boyfriend's brother works for a production company in Los Angeles. In a few weeks, we are flying out to visit him and he's taking us to a movie premiere!

What should I wear??? I don't want to look like I am from out of town.

Thanks!
EK

Hey EK,

Summer movies generally fall into one of three categories: action, comedy, or family flick. Premieres (and the parties that follow) tend to fit the mood of the film. You'll still see flashbulbs and famous faces on the red carpet, but this probably won't be a formal event.

What you need is a party dress that matches the cinematic vibe.

For a Bawdy Comedy like Bad Teacher:

* Go for something fun and flirty. Think BCBG, Alice + Olivia, or Elizabeth and James. It's easy to imagine Cameron Diaz rocking a red mini-dress like this one by Cynthia Steffe.

* If you're trendy and fearless, skip the dress and wear a jumpsuit. I'm coveting this silk charmeuse number by Halston Heritage.

For a Popcorn Movie like Transformers: Dark of the Moon:

* Consider something short and chic, like this ruched jersey dress by Vivenne Westwood Anglomania.

* You can never go wrong with a body-conscious LBD. The Herve Leger bandage dress is a classic, but there's a far more affordable version waiting for you at bebe.

For a Family Film like Cars 2:

* Incorporate a summer trend like color-blocking, juicy hues or a fab floral print.

* This one-shoulder ruffle dress is a tangerine dream. (Bonus points for pairing it with gold sandals or the perfect nude shoe.)

* Ikat is everywhere right now. I absolutely love the colors in this maxi by Tibi.

Be sure to pack high heels, lip gloss, and something to wrap up in after the sun goes down. L.A. gets surprisingly chilly at night.

Whatever you choose, make sure it also works in your hometown. I know you want to dress like a local, but it's more important to be a super-fabulous version of you.

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

I-Do Diatribe

2011-06-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

My friend Alex hates calla lilies at weddings. ("Everybody knows those are for funerals.") Katy can't stand DJs who play breakup songs at the reception ("There's nothing appropriate about a bunch of girls dancing to 'I Will Survive!'")

This got me thinking about common wedding complaints. I firmly believe all my friends are geniuses, so I reached out to several brilliant, hilarious members of my inner circle. Here's how they responded to the timely question:

What do you hate about weddings?

1. "When the bride and groom make you wait at the reception for their arrival while they're doing something ridiculous like cruising around town on a beer bus taking pictures. It's even worse if they don't have any food or drink while you're waiting. Especially drink."

2. "I hate it when other female guests wear white dresses besides the bride or bridal party. I think it's tacky and stealing the bride's thunder, so to speak."

3. "Any kind of introduction of the bridal party by an emcee involving a microphone. Simply horrifying. I had to endure it once and there wasn't enough tequila in the world to help me with the humiliation!"

4. "How about when decidedly secular people have prayerful, religious weddings? OK, I don't actually mind that, even from a [wild bride]. It's when people keep referring to them as 'innocent' or 'pure-hearted' or a 'woman of God.' When I KNOW they've cheated on the very person with whom they're exchanging vows, rings, or messy bites of cake."

5. "Centerpieces that block your view of the people across the table. Or a bad sound system at the ceremony!"

6. "Bridesmaids' dresses that you have to buy for yourself!?! If you're going to put me in mauve faux taffeta, at least have the decency to pay for the dress. And really, after all the money brides cough up for weddings these days, what's another $1,000 or $2,000 toward dresses for their closest friends?"

7. "Finger foods for dinner. If you're getting married at any time approaching dinner, please serve a meal."

8. "I feel like you should be able to sit with whoever you want at weddings. There is nothing worse than being put at a table with a bunch of randoms that you don't know and frankly don't want to mingle with."

9. "Where to begin? Maybe with the ritualistic gathering of single girls for the throwing of the bouquet? Seriously, after the age of 28, who wants to be singled out as being single?"

10. "Any sort of themed dance, a la chicken, dollar dance, or even worse, 15 different combinations of first dances. 'Now it's time for the bride to dance with her first grade teacher, and after that the groom will dance with his second cousins....' Ugh!"

Longtime followers already know my feelings about white tuxedos, outsourcing thank-you notes, and registering for a honeymoon.

Now I put the question to you. Tell me, darling readers, what are your wedding pet peeves?

Hilarious New Trend

2011-05-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

A woman in jeans and a hoodie once asked me, "Why are you so dressed up?" I wanted to say, "Because this is a business dinner, you half-wit." Instead, I gave a tiny shrug and quipped, "Why isn't everyone?"

In truth, I'm one of the only people running around town in clothing with a crease. From Hard Tail yoga pants to James Perse t-shirts, Angelenos love their loungewear.

Last week, a new store opened on trendy Robertson Boulevard that takes casual to new heights. Check out the OnePiece ($213), an adult-sized onesie that was conceived by three hungover Norwegians.

Honestly, I believe leisurely gear has its place. Under the right sartorial circumstances (say, while exercising, battling the flu or watching Bravo) I'm all for it. But if the OnePiece takes off, we might soon see them at L.A. newsstands, brunch spots or even nightclubs. Eek!

Here's a peek inside the launch party (courtesy of PopSugar):

Essentially we're talking about a Snuggie with a zipper. I have no doubt they're absurdly soft and comfortable, but to me they look like stylistic surrender.

Would you ever wear a OnePiece, or are they too silly to even consider?

Celebrity Intervention: Jessica Simpson

2011-05-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome AnnabelManners.com alumna Jessica Simpson, shown here in a sweater the size of Canada and no pants. If you believe the gossip sites, she chose this getup for a recent family photo shoot.

Stranger still, the pop-star-turned-merchandise-mogul seems to really like the thing. The green monster made another sinister appearance at LAX last month, this time (mercifully) paired with jeans.

Now, obviously Jessica is a very cute girl who has a zillion dollars at her disposal. It's high time she hired a fashion professional to:

Wrestle her to the ground
Forcibly remove said sweater
Teach her about the perils of over-sized clothing on short people
Purge her closet of mom jeans, tight dresses, and any other ill-advised knits

My pick? Celebrity stylist Britt Bardo, who:

Has worked with Jennifer Lopez (therefore understands curves)
Grew up in the Midwest (thus will relate to Simpson's down-home roots)
Now resides in Los Angeles (and can be at Chez Simpson in 20 minutes)

Jessica, honey, I know blind dates can be daunting, but give Britt a chance.

I predict you'll have a long, happy relationship and wonder why you didn't meet years ago!

Royal Faux Pas

2011-05-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are now officially married, which can only mean one thing.

Some overbearing acquaintance has already poked poor Kate in her ironing-board of a belly and boomed:

So!? When can we expect an heir to the throne?

Whether it's good-natured excitement, old-fashioned nosiness or unbridled curiosity, some people just can't contain themselves when it comes to other people's reproductive plans.

You can imagine what I think of this.

Astonishingly enough, having a baby doesn't always quench the pestering. The second a newborn comes home from the hospital, friends, relatives and casual bystanders start speculating about the prospect of a sibling.

Mon dieu!

For obvious reasons, starting a family is a very private matter. It doesn't always happen on the first try. Not everyone wants to get pregnant. Some mothers-to-be don't wish to share the news at 12 weeks on the dot. And so on.

While we're on the topic, one must never, ever ask, "When are you due?" unless one has irrefutable confirmation that the woman in question is actually pregnant.

There's nothing worse than mistaking a big lunch or a weight fluctuation for a bundle of joy. If a baby is en route, we'll find out eventually. If not, it was never any of our business to begin with.

Having said that, a couple like Will and Kate will have to go to extraordinary lengths to keep any such news under wraps. Check out the horrifyingly perfect cover of this week's New Yorker:

Personally, I won't be speculating anytime soon. I'm still too busy swooning over those breathtaking Alexander McQueen dresses...

Little Rascal

2011-04-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

Having been enthralled at the level of diplomacy & decorum with which you've answered many other questions in the past for which I had no answers at all, it is to you I turn after a rather disheartening visit to an old friend to seek your advice on how I should respond.

Today I visited an old girlfriend who is younger than me & has always sought my opinion on life matters in the past but not so much now as we no longer live in the same city & move in different circles.

We met in a cafe today but she insisted I go home with her to see her children. My friend who I still get on with brilliantly has two young children (a girl 4 & a boy 2) who I had only met as newborns. I have children myself & so when I visited today I took gifts for the children as well as for my friend and her husband. The daughter at first was ok with my being in the home but when she realised I was taking her mother's attention away from her away from her she proceeded to scream & continuously yell at me "I don't like you, I don't want you here, go away, get out!"

I love children & usually develop a bond with them quickly but she was utterly vile & very determined. I felt hurt & abused because my friend did nothing more than say "Now... don't be rude. Don't mind her, she's just a little miss."

If either of my children had spoken to ANYONE in this manner they would have been packed off to their room for some serious time out with a lecture from me as well. My friend's child made me so unwelcome & so unhappy that I left much earlier than my friend or I had expected.

My friend later texted me to say that she knew her daughter had been rude & for me to just ignore it. My question is, do I tell her that she needs to nip this behaviour in the bud now or do I say nothing & never go to her home again, which would be quite awkward as she's invited me to stay next time I'm in town?

I'd appreciate any advice or suggestions you can offer me.

R. in a Quandry

Dear R. in a Q.,

Good gracious, it sounds like your friend has quite the little tyrant on her hands! I don't blame you for feeling dejected, disappointed and uncertain about how to proceed.

In this equation, though, it's important to remember that she's the child and you're the grown-up. While Miss Mussolini is shrieking and carrying on, you can draw on great reserves of adult calm. Try a mild response like, "That's too bad. I was hoping somebody in this house might want to play princess dress-up."

You can also ignore the behavior, try to engage her baby brother in a game she'll want to join, or vacate the scene if it becomes truly untenable. What I don't recommend is offering unsolicited parenting tips. Since your children are older (and presumably better behaved), your friend may very well ask your advice. In that case, it's fine to say something like, "here's what worked for us" and gently broach the topic of setting boundaries so the household doesn't spiral into Lord of the Flies-like chaos.

Charging in with warnings about preventative measures may do irreparable damage to the friendship, but there's no reason to let this child bulldoze you out of her home. If you'd like to try again, schedule a brief visit and stand your ground. Your friend is probably mortified already. Just be diplomatic and try not to take it all too personally.

Good luck in the trenches!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

P.S. The book pictured above stars Bootsie Barker, one of the great villains of children's literature. It might make a fitting gift for a certain fiendish four-year-old... :)

Tulle Time: What's New in Weddings

2011-04-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

Reese Witherspoon got married in a pink Monique Luhillier gown. The whole world is breathless with excitement over Prince William and the future Princess Bride. This year, wedding season is here early, and nobody wants to wait until June!

Here are a few I-Do tidbits that have crossed my radar lately:

1. The New York Times has a new column called The Well-Mannered Wedding maintained by Peggy Post. Of course you can still get top-notch wedding etiquette advice right here on AnnabelManners.com, but sometimes it's wise to seek a second opinion. :)

2. Speaking of NYC, a shop called The Silver Peacock is offering a new service that I think is pure genius. Brides-to-be are invited to bring heirloom items to the boutique (things like Grammy's china or or Great Aunt Bertie's silver julep cups). The shop owners help craft a registry that incorporates those inherited pieces and blends them with new items to create a customized, unique look. If you're nowhere near Park Avenue, you can also enlist them via email.

3. Doesn't Rachel Bilson (above) look luscious in this Oscar de la Renta dress? Technically it's not even a wedding gown, but with the right shoes and a short veil, it could be. Check out the full picture here.

4. I don't know what prompted Lanvin to design a bridal notebook, but I love the look of it. This little luxe item is the perfect gift for a newly engaged friend.

What's inspiring you these days? Let's dish!

Manicure Meltdown

2011-04-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

Foxy Brown should really think about doing her own nails.

According to hallowed sources like TMZ and Us Weekly, the troubled performer was recently booted from a Royal Caribbean cruise after going mental on a manicurist (a charge she now huffily disputes).

The catalyst? Apparently Foxy was three hours late for her appointment, so salon staff members had to turn her away.

Amazingly, they're not the first nail technicians to incur the rapper's wrath. Let's not forget this woman went to prison for assaulting two other manicurists in 2006.

Today's haute tips:

1. If you're famously ferocious, avoid situations that might trigger new legal woes.

2. Let's say trouble somehow finds you anyway. Try not to issue an ominous response via Twitter. (Something along the lines of, "I'm the wrong one to romp wit, you will get checked!!")

3. Remember that the words "apoplectic" and "nail place" just don't belong in the same sentence. It's nothing but a little OPI, right?

Let's end on a graceful note. Here's Emma Stone looking like an absolute goddess in Lanvin.

Is this dress unbelievably gorgeous, or what?

Have a fierce weekend, everybody!

Delicate De-Friending

2011-03-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

Check out this letter from my virtual friend Mary A., originally posted on her delightful blog:

Dear Annabel:

I love Facebook and tend to be somewhat of a... you know. Rhymes with "door."

This week I noticed that I had over 450 Facebook friends. They are my friends. Really. Each of them.

The thing is, some of them are people who are never on Facebook, so we rarely connect. Some of them are people I see ALL THE TIME, so we over-connect.

So I un-Facebooked a few. I un-Facebooked 142, to be exact. I didn't say I un-FRIENDED them. They are still my friends -- I hope, anyway. I meant them to still be friends. Some people are better friends in person than online. In fact, I sent an e-mail to the 142 people explaining that I was limiting my Facebook connections, but I still value their friendship.

Of the 142 people, 140 didn't care. Hell, they might not have even noticed. But 2 got offended.

Both of the 2 who got offended were people I see ALL THE TIME. It's not like I severed contact. I didn't disown them. I didn't delete their e-mails. I just didn't feel like Facebook added anything to our friendship.

Please, Miss Annabel, tell me what I should do to remedy the situation? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Sincerely,
Mary A.

Hey Miss Mary, thanks for writing.

This is a tricky one. In some ways, real-life social connections are easier to manage. Once a friendship has run its course, people simply move on without labels or declarations. Online, there's no graceful way out -- at least, not yet.

I think you did the right thing by sending a note that explained your Facebook fatigue. After all, you're a busy woman with a family and a job. There are only so many hours one can devote to social media in a given week!

Still, it's important to remember that virtual slights stir up actual emotions. Nobody likes feeling left out or hearing that they didn't make the cut.

Since both of the insulted parties are people you see often, I suggest having a real-life conversation with each of them. Something along the lines of:

"I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings over this whole Facebook thing. Between work and the kids, I'm incredibly pressed for time in every area of my life. I really value your friendship, and I'm glad I get to enjoy it offline."

If that doesn't thaw them out, then these two probably weren't true friends in the first place.

Hope that helps eradicate the awkwardness!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. Spring fever strikes again! I went to the nail place today and emerged with a trendy lavender manicure (pictured above). What do we think? Chic or eek?

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Flatform Folly

2011-03-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Spring 2011 is teeming with embraceable trends. Darling trench coats. Chic, 70's-style wide-legged jeans. Bright, poppy colors.

And then there are flatforms, which the Daily Telegraph hilariously dubbed "the Quasimodos of footwear."

Now, I understand tottering around in the name of fashion. I'll stepsister my way into a stiletto any given Tuesday. But this? This is a twisted ankle just waiting to happen, without any of the flattering, leg-lengthening lift.

Happily, Prada hasn't abandoned cuteness altogether. This season there are fab purses, flirty skirts, and plenty of preppy stripes (shown here on Hailee Steinfeld).

What do you think? Would you clomp around in flatforms, or are they borderline clown shoes?

The Flake Factor

2011-03-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Nowadays, making lunch plans with someone doesn't necessarily mean you'll soon commune over salads.

Have you noticed that people cancel social engagements at the last minute, then reschedule them incessantly?

As a result, we're all trapped in a tiresome cycle of double-checking and second-guessing. Let's peek in on an illustrative instant messenger exchange:

SUZY: Hi!! Just making sure we're still on for lunch today at one...
SALLY: OMG. It's an absolute madhouse over here. Cannot believe it's Thursday already.
SUZY: You poor thing. Do you still want to meet up? Maybe sometime next week would be better?
SALLY: No, no. I was totally planning on today. I mean, unless next week would work better for you...
SUZY: Next week is vicious, actually. This is going to sound insane, but I might have to jump ahead to next MONTH.
SALLY: Don't say another word. I understand completely.

In truth, Suzy and Sally will never break bread together. Instead, they'll bump into each other at a cocktail party or the nail salon, vow to have drinks, "like, for real," then start the whole song and dance all over again.

Is anyone else exhausted just thinking about it?

From time to time, we all contend with head colds, workplace emergencies, and bona fide sick grandmothers. But unless there's an excellent reason, good manners dictate that we keep our social commitments. Even when we feel a powerful urge to weasel out because we're no longer in the mood to appear.

How to Get Off the Flaky Train for Good

1. Be authentic. Make plans with people you actually want to see for things that you actually want to do.
2. Maintain an updated calendar, whether it's iCal, Outlook, or something chic and leather-bound that lives in your purse.
3. Arrive on time. Being perpetually late is almost as rude as bailing at the last minute.
4. Keep it real. If you absolutely must flake out, at least tell the truth as to why.
5. Know when to refuse with humor and grace.

Let's say Boring Betsy from spin class utters the dreaded, "Let's get together! What's good for you?" Be mindful of her feelings, but find a gentle way to say no.

"I'd like to, but between X and Y, I've really got my hands full right now." (Insert work, school, husband, children, darling boyfriend or needy pet as appropriate.)

Now that I think about it, maybe this is more of a regional phenomenon.

Have you experienced flagrant flakiness, or is it purely a west coast epidemic?

Oscar and Intervention

2011-02-28T06:23:00.000-08:00

Darling readers, as you might guess, I'm dying to dish about the dresses at last night's Academy Awards. But first we need to address an etiquette emergency.

Best Supporting Actress winner Melissa Leo is begging for an Annabel Manners Taste Makeover™.

Just to be clear, I thought her performance in The Fighter was phenomenal. She's a formidable actress who deserves every single one of her recent accolades. That said, let's review what amounts to a tacky trifecta:

1) Her catastrophic acceptance speech. First-time nominees are supposed to be humble, wide-eyed and winsome. Instead, Melissa swore like a trucker on national television, then went on to speculate about the crass, commercial nature of the movie business at large. Mon dieu!

2) The fashion tragedy. Can we all agree that this is a mess of a dress?

3) Relentless pursuit of the coveted Oscar prize. This is a delicate matter, which is why actors and studios hire an army of qualified publicists to manage the process from behind the scenes. Instead, Ms. Leo launched her own aggressive Oscar campaign.

Whew. Melissa, honey, if you're ever ready for etiquette coaching, I'm one tiny email away.

As for the gowns, I thought there were loads of lovelies. Shockingly enough, I don't even have a worst-dressed list -- more like a missed-opportunities list. Natalie Portman could have made a stronger maternity-glam statement. Nicole Kidman continues to perplex. Amy Adams is working with the wrong stylist. Jennifer Hudson marred an overall amazing look with bad hair. But for the most part everyone looked fresh, modern, and divine.

Here are my absolute faves:

Mila Kunis, who looked insanely gorgeous in lavender. Bravo, Elie Saab!
My beloved Gwyneth Paltrow, returning to her fashion roots by wearing Calvin Klein.
Cate Blanchett, who was flawlessly avant garde in Givenchy.
Mrs. Mark Walhberg and Mrs. Matthew McConaughey both looked luscious.
I've said it before in precisely this way: Helen Mirren always gets it right.
Scarlett Johansson showed the world how to wear lace without a hint of sugary sweetness.
Reese Witherspoon and Sandra Bullock both glowed like the indisputable movie stars they are.

Talk to me, y'all. What were your top picks?

Hope everyone has a glamtastic week!

Spring Forward

2011-02-15T12:06:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing I can't resist, it's a project. Recently, I tackled Operation Closet Overhaul, which involved ruthless elimination of tired togs and two hugely cathartic trips to Goodwill.

Now I find myself at a very perilous intersection. I have a row of empty hangers and a stylistic case of spring fever (which, as usual, arrived on December 26).

To make matters worse, this season we're facing down an army of charming spring dresses. Here's a tiny sampling of what's to come:

1. Candy-striped cuteness from Kate Spade. Can you stand it?

2. The Celia dress from Mr. Marc Jacobs, which demands chunky turquoise accessories and a wedge heel.

3. An adorable polka-dot number humming a siren song over at Nordstrom.

4. A ridiculously smart shift from the mad genius known as Milly.

5. And finally, the piece de resistance. An astronomically priced, out-of-the-question Chloe dress that I can't get out of my head.

Tell me, what are you craving this spring?

I think we all need a cache of cardigans to throw over our fun frocks...

The Essesentials of Fabulous

2011-02-08T06:25:00.000-08:00

No one is born fabulous. You have to decide to do it -- to transform yourself into one of those amazing creatures that infiltrate our lives and ignite our dreams with their swagger, energy, pizazz, and soigné charm.

Such is the premise of The Essentials of Fabulous, a new book by Ellen Lubin-Sherman. At first glance, it might seem like one of a thousand manuals instructing women on the finer points of glamor and style.

Au contraire.

Sherman is a branding expert who applies principles of fabulous living to the business world. Take all the qualities that make you a sparkling, in-demand dinner party guest and deploy them professionally. You'll make an indelible impression and outshine your competition just by being, well, fabulous.

At 151 pages, the book is a petite, zippy read. Sherman covers everything from how to make small talk to sending unforgettable emails. Like me, she believes details matter, whether it's a handwritten thank-you note on top-notch stationery or an impossibly chic handbag that sets you apart. (Scrumptious side note: the one pictured here is by Yves Saint Laurent.)

There's a whole chapter devoted to manners for the modern age, hints on how to channel your inner whirling dervish, and a wealth of suggestions for supplementary reading.

I recommend The Essentials of Fabulous to anyone looking for a job, eying a promotion, or just trying to locate her lost joie de vivre.

As Sherman writes,

"Once you start living a life that's dictated by imaginative good sense, charm, and manners, the world is your oyster."

Good gracious, I couldn't agree more.

Let's all head off and have a truly fabulous day!

Super Shady

2011-01-30T15:05:00.000-08:00

Under certain circumstances, it's perfectly acceptable to buy yourself a present. It might be a new-job handbag, a hot-date party dress, or someone-just-broke-up-with-me stilettos.

Today I went shopping for a pair of happy-birthday-to-me sunglasses. I love my aviators, but lately I've been in a bit of a Ray-Ban rut...

Effective immediately, I'll be glamming it up in these fabulous new Tom Ford shades:

This brings me to a point about check etiquette. If some generous soul sends you a birthday, wedding, or new-baby check, it's best to deposit it quickly and write a thank-you note straight away.

I recently heard a story about a new mother who received a $500 check for her newborn. She cashed it a cool 10 months later, which no doubt disrupted her gift-giver's whole accounting system.

Obviously it's OK to save the money, just make sure you deposit it rather than stuffing the card in a drawer and forgetting all about it.

Really, it just proves what I've always known to be true.

Shopping truly is the gracious thing to do.

:)

Big Sisters, Bridesmaids, or Both?

2011-01-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

Annabel,

I love reading your blog and your etiquette advice! I have a question about what you would recommend for my situation. My boyfriend and I just got engaged and I've always known the girls I want in my wedding. Some longtime friends going back to middle school, some college friends, and my younger sister -- a total of seven (including MOH).

My fiance has two older sisters (eight and nine years older than us) who I love and think of as my older sisters, but I don't know if I should include them in my bridal party. We've asked both of their children to be our ring bearer and flower girl, and I truly do not know if they would want to be bridesmaids.

I've considered asking them to be my wedding coordinators. I checked in Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette and she said she would recommend always asking the groom's sisters, but I'm just not sure in my situation. I also don't know if having nine bridesmaids for a wedding guest list around 150 is appropriate?

Help! Please! :)

Thanks,
RLB

Hi RLB,

Congratulations on your engagement!

I agree with Emily Post. It's always nice to ask the groom's sisters to be part of the wedding party (although from an etiquette point of view, it's not a hard and fast rule).

In your case, I'd recommend sitting down with your future sisters-in-law and having an exploratory conversation. You might say something like:

"[Fiance] and I really want you to be part of our wedding ceremony. Would you like to be bridesmaids, light a candle, or do a reading? If none of those options sound quite right, maybe you could escort [niece and nephew] down the aisle..."

What you don't want to do is make your fiance's sisters feel left out or forced into uncomfortable roles. Weddings tend to stir up a lot of emotion, and you'll want to be mindful of your new family members' feelings so you start off on the right foot.

I'm not sure how the wedding coordinator idea will land. I assume you mean they would act as "day-of" coordinators as opposed to wedding planners, but it's still a considerable amount of work. It's OK to include this as one of the options for how they can be involved -- just make sure it doesn't sound like you want them to plan your whole wedding for free. :)

As you pointed out, this conversation could lead to a large wedding party. I think that's perfectly fine - it just means you and your fiance are blessed with lots of dear friends. However, I'm pretty sure my mother would roll her eyes and say nine is too many. It's up to you to decide what's more important -- keeping the wedding party smaller or including your groom's sisters.

My guess is you'll feel much better after you talk to them. Just be open, warm, and receptive to ideas.

Good luck with the chat, and have fun planning your fabulous wedding!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. Love the dresses pictured above? Check out CorenMoore.com for more information. Her whole site is a preppy delight!

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com.

Golden Globalicious

2011-01-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

To fully appreciate a schmaltzy, self-congratulatory awards show, you need a big TV, a gaggle of girls, top-notch nibbles, and some truly divine wine.

Then (and only then) will you be ready to study each gown like a forensics expert combing a crime scene.

Did you notice the astonishing lack of black dresses? Even Angelina Jolie came in color. We're having a spate of summery weather here in SoCal - maybe that's what inspired starlets and their stylists to choose a rainbow of vibrant hues.

Now, about those rants and raves...

Chic:

Claire Danes absolutely killed it. The pink Calvin Klein number pictured above was my favorite gown of the night.
Sofia Vegara and January Jones both rocked fiery reds. (For me, JJ's tasteful hairdo totally saved the look.)
Kyra Sedgwick looked so pretty in Pucci. I loved her accessories and easy, confident demeanor.
I know she's on a lot of worst-dressed lists, but I quite liked Sandra Bullock's gown. I think if she'd worn her hair up, we'd all be swooning.
In a room full of bare shoulders, Leighton Meester looked lovely and unique.
Catherine Zeta Jones wore an emerald ball gown fit for a wicked queen, but my favorite green dress belonged to Miss Mila Kunis.

Eek:

On behalf of Michelle Williams, I'm not speaking to Valentino. What in the name of fashion happened here?
Poor Jennifer Love Hewitt looks like she's going to prom at the Ramada. Again.
Julianne Moore and Christina Hendricks both risked being eaten by their gowns.
The wrong fabric and a frumpy cut did no favors for my beloved Tina Fey.
Nicole Kidman chose the most boring dress on the planet. Remember the lavender Prada of yesteryear? She used to have such style!
Halle Berry and Christina Aguilera were competing in a tramp-a-thon. There are no winners here.

So-So:

I'm not sure about the giant bow on Piper Perabo's shoulder, but her hair and makeup are straight out of the Annabel Manners playbook.
What did you think of Emma Stone's new look? I liked the dress but I'm dying to put a belt on it just to give her some shape.
Obviously Natalie Portman is stunning, but the red rose didn't work for me. Too costume-y.
This dress is gorgeous, but it's just too severe on tiny, fair-skinned Jayma Mays.

Talk to me, dear readers. What were your favorite (and un-favorite) looks?

Chic and Eek: Celebrity Intervention

2011-01-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

I ask you: is there a woman on earth who doesn't think Rachel McAdams is charming and adorable?

From Notebook disciples to Mean Girls devotees, we pretty much all love her.

Here's a picture of our girl at the London premiere of Morning Glory. In my opinion -- please chime in if you disagree -- this is not an especially memorable dress.

Or is it?

Upon closer inspection, there's far less than meets the eye!

I love how Indiana Jones is sensibly bundled up against the elements while poor Rachel is clad in little more than purple heels and Hollywood Fashion Tape.

I'm sure it was just a momentary lapse of reason. Two days prior, she trotted down another red carpet looking absolutely luscious in Berlin.

Grecian glamor. Magnificent color. Terrific fit.

Now this.

This is a dress worth shivering for.

From Holidaze to 2011 To-Do's

2011-01-03T12:02:00.000-08:00

From the incomparable Bridget Jones's Diary:

It seems wrong and unfair that Christmas, with its stressful and unmanageable financial and emotional challenges, should first be forced upon one wholly against one's will, then rudely snatched away just when one is starting to get into it.

Was really beginning to enjoy the feeling that normal service was suspended and it was OK to lie in bed as long as you want, put anything you fancy into your mouth, and drink alcohol whenever it should chance to pass your way, even in the mornings. Now suddenly we are all supposed to snap into self-discipline like lean teenage greyhounds.

Hope you had a glorious holiday break. Mine was full of joy and surprises, including:

A rare white Christmas in Atlanta
A fabulous cocktail party with family and friends on December 26
The perfect 8 oz. filet at Chops Lobster Bar
A monogrammed yoga mat under the tree (Thanks, T!)
A visit to Forsyth Fabrics for decorating supplies and inspiration
A chic new haircut (not shown in this pic)
New Year's Eve in the Hollywood Hills with dear friends (and a slew of good-looking strangers)

Now it's time to kick off the new year with a list of lofty resolutions.

Among other things, I resolve to: make the bed every single day, drink more milk, do some meaningful volunteer work, read Madame Bovary, and blog more often!

What are yours?

Ooh. And before I forget, tonight marks the return of Pretty Little Liars, a slick, addictive teen drama on ABC Family Channel. Full disclosure: someone who works on the show is very close to the Manners clan, but I'd watch it even without the family tie.

If you haven't seen it, set your DVR or check it out tonight at 8.

Happy 2011, everybody!

Thank-You Notes for Group Gifts

2010-11-29T06:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Annabel!

I have an etiquette question that I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My fiance's parents recently gave my fiance and I an engagement party. I am in the process of writing thank you cards and I am unsure about what to do about one.

My fiance's sister and her two young daughters chipped in with his brother and his brother's girlfriend to give us a lovely painting. Who do I send the thank you card to? One to each person? One to his sister and her daughters and then one to the brother and girlfriend? Or just one addressed to all of them?

The sister, brother, and the kids live in the same house. The girlfriend lives somewhere else. I'm just not sure what to do! I appreciate any advice. Thanks!

Best wishes,
S

Dear S.,

Congratulations on your engagement! :)

Because most of the gift contributors live together, you could technically send one thank-you note, although that would be an awful lot of names to cram onto a single envelope.

But if you think about it, the painting is really from your future sister-in-law and future brother-in-law. To that end, I suggest sending two glowing thank-you notes: one addressed to the sister and her children, the other to the brother and his girlfriend. (In this case, it's fine to put her name on the card even though they don't live together.)

Be sure to tell both siblings how excited you are to be part of their family and how much you and your fiance appreciate the special gift. I'm sure you've already done this, but just in case you haven't, don't forget to write a note to your future in-laws thanking them for the lovely party.

Best of luck with the wedding planning!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. On a completely unrelated note, here's a holiday promo code you can use on sparkly things like the CZ ring shown here. Today only, get 30% off your online purchase at Henri Bendel. Just type in the code CYBERHB at checkout to get the deal!

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Thanksgiving Etiquette

2010-11-22T06:26:00.000-08:00

Dashing between two competing turkey dinners? Dreading the moment your lout of a brother-in-law starts talking politics? Cooking for a crowd of fussy eaters?

Good gracious, it must be Thanksgiving.

The other day I received a letter from a newly engaged girl who wanted to know if she and her fiance could divide and conquer on the big day. They're planning to hit two family dinners (just not together).

Alas, a certain multitasking blogger accidentally deleted the email before issuing a response. Ahem.

In case the bride-to-be is reading:

From an etiquette point of view, the answer is yes. Just communicate your plans to both hostesses as soon as possible. But are you sure you want to miss the chance to do this together? It seems like a fun opportunity to celebrate the news with both families. Besides, you'll probably be besieged with questions about the wedding, and nobody wants to field those alone.

In other news:

EmilyPost.com has a terrific list of Thanksgiving etiquette tips for hostesses and guests.
The image you see here is from Home for the Holidays, also known as the best Thanksgiving movie ever. Look for it on cable this week. It's an I-love-the-90s delight.

Have a fabulous Thanksgiving, everybody!

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Party Tricks

2010-11-18T06:43:00.000-08:00

True story: The first time I ever gave an open house in Los Angeles, someone asked me if the party had anything to do with real estate.

Perhaps it's a southern thing. I thought the concept was universally familiar, but then again, I grew up throwing an annual mother-daughter Christmas tea.

If you're thinking of having a holiday bash, now is the time to start planning. People's social calendars fill right up, so it's best to get your invitations out soon after Thanksgiving.

I'm a big believer in the notion of the open house. Why?

They're the easiest possible parties to throw. No big dinner. No full bar. Just a house full of friends, festivity and fun.
It's efficient. You can invite everyone you know and quickly reciprocate all the lovely invitations you've received throughout the year.
You won't have to compete to get on people's calendars. Choose a weekend afternoon early in December. No one will have left town yet, and guests can swing by on their way to other parties later that night.
It's Christmas. Having a big, noisy, more-the-merrier kind of bash is just the right thing to do.

Here are a few other time-tested Annabel Manners party tips:

Spread the Word
My favorite way to get started is to choose invitations that set the tone. (The ones pictured here came from paperstyle.com.) Another option: send a chic, digital invitation from a site like paperlesspost.

Haul Out the Holly
Get your decorations out, trim the tree, and tack a wreath on the door. While you're at it, build a party playlist that sets precisely the right musical mood.

Make a List
Whenever I entertain, I jot down a long list of potential nibbles, then pare it down to create a yummy, balanced menu. For an open house, all you need are a few savory hors d'oeuvres, little bowls of nuts, a cheese plate, and some sweet holiday treats. Not a cook? Stock up on apps and goodies at Costco or Trader Joes, then put everything on cute silver trays. Done.

Mix It Up
Keep the drinks simple. A little prosecco, some beer in the fridge, maybe a signature cocktail if you're feeling extravagant. Oh, and I always do spiced cider on the stove because it makes the whole house smell like Christmas.

Time It Right
Fling open the doors and give it your hostessing best during a brief, boisterous window like 2-5 or 3-6. Mingle, be merry, and most of all, enjoy your guests.

In short, Thanksgiving is next week, which means Christmas is five minutes away. Let's face it (and embrace it) in style!

Annabel Forgets Her Manners

2010-11-08T06:31:00.000-08:00

Have I ever told you I'm a jumpy, nervous driver? Eyes darting back and forth, white knuckles on the wheel, a foot far too eager to stomp on the brake...

Plus I live in Los Angeles, which is an extremely stressful driving environment.

Nevertheless, I'm staunchly opposed to rude hand gestures and punitive honking. Even when other drivers are gesticulating wildly and shaking their fists at me.

Still, we all lose our cool sometimes, as I did this past weekend. I was driving in a residential part of Beverly Hills with a million stop signs. At one of them, I noticed a middle-school aged boy on a skateboard next to me. He was texting intently, and I could see he had no idea what was going on around him.

Instead of plowing through the intersection, I sat still, waiting for him to look up. Maybe ten seconds elapsed before the driver behind me slammed on her horn and stayed there, apparently planning to honk until I got out of her way.

That's when it happened.

I made eye contact in the mirror, gestured to the kid, and, um, gave her the finger.

I mean, what did she want me to do? Charge past the oblivious little boy skateboarding without a helmet?

Naturally, all that honking got the skater's attention. He looked up just in time to see my breach of etiquette, which of course he found hilarious.

I wanted to roll down the window and shout, "I never do that! Honestly! It's vulgar, lowbrow, and not my style at all!"

Actually, it felt great in the moment. But I believe in grace, civility, and taking the high road.

I'll try not to do it again for at least ten years.

Call of the Wild

2010-11-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

If you've flipped through a fashion magazine this fall, you've probably noticed that animal prints are among the season's top trends. From Tory Burch to Gucci, countless designers are seeing spots.

All this I can abide, but I feel it's my duty to inform readers of three alarming new trends just waiting to pounce.

1. Say hello to SpiritHoods, quite possibly the most ridiculous fad of all time. These faux-fur accessories are manufactured right here in Los Angeles -- the better to guard against our brutal southern California winters. (Oh, and if you think Mr. Panda Bear is funny, don't miss the line for ladies.)

2. According to the New York Times, deodorant, daily showers, and frequent shampooing are all on the decline. Welcome to the jungle!

3. Naturally, certain outre celebrities are doing their beastly best to stay on trend. Paris Hilton spent Halloween dressed as a Native American floozy, while Miley Cyrus recently took an enthusiastic walk on the wild side.

Thank heaven for Louis Vuitton, whose fall offerings remain steadfastly ladylike.

Preach on, L.V.

If anyone needs me, I'll be defiantly soaking in a bubble bath. I've always been a bit of a wild thing.

Good Gracious!

2010-10-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

Where to begin?

Kanye West is flashing a diamond-encrusted grin.

The Glee gang is releasing a Christmas album in pursuit of relentless overexposure.

People in Hong Kong are getting married at McDonald's, for heaven's sake.

As ever, there's much to discuss here on AnnabelManners.com, though you might have noticed a sorry lack of updates lately. The reason is a fabulous new job opportunity that's hogging up every last ounce of my time and creativity.

Not to worry -- I'm still posting, just not quite as frequently. Please keep those etiquette questions coming! I'll never be short on opinions about manners, style, or social graces.

Hope everybody's having a glorious fall!

Wedding-Gift Whoops

2010-10-06T06:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

I recently attended the wedding of a close friend's son. Unfortunately, I let my husband fill out the check and to my surprise found out that he only gave $50.

I feel awful about this. How can I make this up to the couple?

- Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed,

Don't worry, this little gaffe is very easy to fix -- arguably even more so because you're dealing with the children of close friends.

At the moment, the bride and groom are probably honeymooning, after which they'll return home to a tower of gifts. Obviously the groom will recognize your names, but the bride will most likely think to herself, "Very nice. I'll be sure to write them a note." Or, "Wait, which couple are they, again?"

My point is that you've caught them during a very busy time. I'm sure no one is scoffing over the perceived meager amount.

That said, you can easily remedy the situation by starting from scratch. Either choose a gift from their registry or write a new check. Enclose a note that delivers your message with a wink:

Hubby and I had a small marital miscommunication - this is your real wedding gift!

We're so thrilled for the two of you. Thank you for including us in your lovely wedding. We wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Lots of love,
Jane and John

Notice I didn't mention anything about stop payments or tearing up the original check. The couple will simply add whatever you send to the aforementioned pile of gifts, which includes your initial $50. Eventually you'll receive a thank-you note that acknowledges whatever you gave them in the aggregate.

In the meantime, feel free to vent to the groom's mother about how you'll never again put hubby in charge of wedding gifts. :)

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Heigl Alert

2010-10-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

In addition to her squabbles with television producers (and AnnabelManners.com alumna status), actress Katherine Hiegl has suffered a series of well-documented hairstyling missteps.

Remember her morning newscaster phase?

Then there was the infamous brown football helmet, which can only be interpreted as an homage to Steel Magnolias.

Most recently, she unveiled a new hue that just doesn't flatter. (The vintage brooch is divine, though.)

Katherine, honey, here's a haute tip:

Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves seem to be in a fight, which presents a unique, fortuitous opportunity.

Fire your hairstylist and carpe the day!

Digital Distress Call

2010-09-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

Let's say you're in a sticky social situation, like a bad date or an interminable dinner. Do you:

A) Endure it politely (but decline any future invitations)

B) Feign a headache or an early meeting, then sprint for the door

C) Use a service like Rescu.me to stage a personal or business emergency

From an etiquette point of view, your phone should never be at the table in the first place. Still, it's intriguing that simply texting SMS5 to a particular number can get you out the door in a matter of minutes.

Personally, I'd stay long enough not to be rude, then make a graceful exit. I just don't have the acting chops to pull off an extended ruse! (And if I did, I'd probably make something up on the spot rather than enlist a third party.)

This reminds me a little bit of slydial, the service that guarantees you can call someone and skip straight to voicemail.

What do you think? Would you text under the table for a restaurant rescue, or is this too devious for your taste?

Table Manners 101

2010-09-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

I have recently come across your blog in search of websites that explain proper etiquette in social situations, and I absolutely love your blog. I would like to know about proper dinner etiquette and the placement of dishes and utensils, the uses of each dish and utensil and also the proper way to hold a fork and knife and how to eat.

I feel that knowing this will be very useful for future dinner invites and parties that I am attending or putting together myself.

Sincerely,
A

Dear A,

I'm so glad you wrote in. With a few simple tips, you'll soon be setting tables and handling utensils like a pro. Even better, you'll enjoy being a more confident hostess and dinner guest.

Let's begin with the basics. EmilyPost.com has a great video that shows you how to set a family dinner table. Once you're comfortable with that, you can work on flatware placement for fancier affairs. (Here's a helpful article from Smithfield.com on how to set a formal table.)

Understanding how to set the table can help you grasp the proper use for each utensil. The number-one rule of table manners is this: your utensils are logically placed so that all you have to do is work your way from the outside in.

It may help to study the diagram shown here, but be aware that table settings change according to what's being served for dinner. For example, the soup bowl might be swapped out for a salad plate. If there's a fish course (before the main course), you might have an extra fork and knife, or a tiny fork that tells you to expect shellfish.

Here's another diagram that might help you visualize a formal table setting. If this all sounds hopelessly complicated, don't fret. Just sneak a peek at your host or hostess and follow his or her lead.

As for how to hold your utensils, my recommendation is to do so gently. Grasp them as you would a pen or pencil (as opposed to weapons you might use to fight off a bad guy).

Here are a few other top tips:

Place your napkin in your lap as soon as your hosts do so (or, if you're in a restaurant, as soon as you sit down).
Take small, ladylike bites.
Always break bread with your fingers (rather than sawing a piece in half with your knife).
Use your butter knife to place a pat of butter on your bread plate. Break off each bite and butter it as needed.
When you're finished with a course, rest your knife and fork diagonally across the upper-right quadrant of your plate (tines of the fork pointing up, blade side of the knife facing in).

The best way to boost your table manners and etiquette I.Q. is to practice. Treat every meal as an opportunity to learn and grow. When you're ready for a challenge, test your table manners by taking this quiz on MarthaStewart.com.

Good luck, and please feel free to email me if you have any more questions.

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Tuxedos: An Endangered Species in So-Cal

2010-09-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight marks the triumphant return of 30 Rock -- this little blogger wouldn't miss it!

One of my all-time favorite scenes goes something like this:

TINA FEY: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?

ALEC BALDWIN: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

As an Angeleno, I can't help but daydream about a world in which formal functions are de rigueur. Yes, we have our galas and fundraisers, but black-tie weddings and parties are extremely rare here in Southern California.

(Even sport coats are uncommon, which may explain why our fair city rarely makes the party pages of Town & Country magazine.)

Speaking of glossies, Esquire has a few tips on tuxedo etiquette, should your fella be in the market for one.

And if you're headed to a black-tie bash anytime soon, please write in and regale me with details.

I adore dressing up, and I'm wilting out west!

The New Kid

2010-09-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, meet my new fashion obsession.

Designer Wes Gordon is one to watch. This bright young thing is only 24 years old, but for me he was a fashion week standout.

His spring 2011 collection is both light and bold, tailored and traditional with unexpected, modern twists.

Oh, and he's from Atlanta, which might explain the preppy undertones in his work. For those who know the city, perhaps he picked up a few styling tips from his years of wearing uniforms at Lovett...

Can't wait to see what's next from this hometown hero!

Ms. Cranky Pants

2010-09-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

The other night I attended a reading at Book Soup, an oasis of erudition located smack in the middle of the Sunset Strip.

The program featured a handful of writers who'd contributed to Slake, a new literary magazine that recently launched in Los Angeles. Four fellows came and went, then the magazine's founders opened the floor for questions.

Immediately, a hand shot up in front of me.

"Will any women be reading tonight?"

This little jab came from a 60-something charmer who probably still burns bras in her backyard.

The two founders (one male, one female) looked at each other, then back at their challenger. Somewhat flustered, they named several prominent female writers whose work appeared in the magazine.

"We extended invitations, but none of them could make it. The women all had better things to do."

At this, the audience chuckled appreciatively. It was as though we had the same collective response to what amounted to a lame, outmoded accusation.

Just to be clear, I'm very grateful to those who paved the way for my generation, and I'll concede there's still work to be done.

Men still make more money on average, but on the bright side, we women are now more likely to earn doctoral degrees.

Someone should have told Ms. Cranky Pants to take aim at the Hustler store down the street.

Nobody is oppressing us at Book Soup. Lord.

Shoesday Dilemma

2010-09-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

On a very good day, with excellent posture, I am five foot three and 1/8 of an inch tall.

I adore heels (not the kitten kind), and I wear them almost every day of my life.

The problem? Over time, I've accidentally drilled a stiletto-sized hole into the floor of my car.

I'm now the proud owner of a sleek new ride, and I'd really like to avoid this in the future. Here are the options as I see them:

1) Invent a genius solution that takes off a la Spanx. Never worry about wear and tear again.
2) Buy a pair of cute driving moccasins and change into them behind the wheel. (This is less practical now that boot season is upon us.)
3) Stop being such a glamour puss and resign myself to wearing flats.

(That last one was a trick answer. Mon dieu!)

Anybody else ever experienced this, or am I the only one for whom wheels and heels are inextricably linked?

P.S. The spectacular shoes pictured above are by Brian Atwood, whom I hereby declare a national treasure.

Deja Vu at the VMAs

2010-09-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

Unlike most awards shows, the MTV Video Music Awards aren't really about fashion.

They're about drama, surprises, and savvy PR moves.

That said, attendees did seem to scramble about competing for the title of Most Outrageous Outfit.

Lady Gaga wore a dress made of meat!

Katy Perry looked like an ice skater!

K$sha showed up wearing nothing but --OMG-- trash bags!

Anybody else stifling a yawn?

Strangely, the biggest story of the night was old news at best. Taylor Swift and Kanye West each wrote songs about last year's debacle. She forgave him, while he proposed a bawdy toast to unpopular celebs.

Honestly, I don't understand why anyone's still talking about this. If I were advising Taylor, I'd tell her to abandon this tired topic and move on for good.

It's the graceful, grown-up thing to do.

Wedding White-Out

2010-09-10T07:01:00.000-07:00

Hi Annabel,

I follow your blog and get thoroughly excited every time I see a new post in my Reader account. I now find myself in need of your advice and unbiased opinion. I am getting married on Jan. 1 of this year. I have scrambled high and low to find affordable bridesmaid dresses, but colors are very limited in the price-point I feel comfortable asking my girls to pony up for.

I've decided I want light champagne/light gold or neutral dresses and have already placed my flower and invitation orders to that effect, so I can't really change my color theme now. The most flattering dress style is unfortunately only available in an off-white/cream shade -- something my mother fears is too close to the color of a wedding dress.

Now I have no concerns that I won't "stand out" (it should be pretty obvious given the veil, train, and people's memories of what I look like that I am the bride). How do you feel about off-white for bridesmaid dresses?

-- Bride-to-Be

Dear B to B,

I think off-white bridesmaid dresses can be very chic. I agree with you - there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that you're the bride.

Having said that, I can understand why your mother might be concerned. Here are a few subtle ways to help distinguish the bridal party:

Length. Can the bridesmaids' dresses be tea-length or shorter? If you're concerned about additional costs for your girlfriends, maybe you can work this minor alteration into your wedding budget.
Neckline. Does the flattering bridesmaid dress you've chosen have a neckline that's markedly different than yours?
Accessories. Have you considered adding a deeper gold or champagne-colored sash to the bridesmaids' gowns? You might also try gold pashminas, which could come in handy anyway for a January wedding.

One other thought: even though your flowers and invitations were chosen with light gold or champagne in mind, keep in mind that this is a very neutral shade. You could easily add another warm color (blush, butter, sage, etc.) to this palette without disrupting the overall look of your wedding.

The best way to really test this is to have one of your girlfriends try on the bridesmaid dress and take pictures standing next to you in your fabulous gown. This way, you'll have a solid idea of what you and the ladies will look like together on the big day.

You sound like a lovely, considerate bride. Best of luck with the wedding planning, and thank you so much for following my blog!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. Readers, please chime in if you have any insights or great ideas to share!

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Milly + Makeup

2010-09-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

Remember when Milly and Clinique teamed up back in February?

The partnership must have been a success. There's a new, cuter-than-ever cosmetic freebie for fall. I don't even use Clinique, but I'm thinking of buying something just to score this makeup bag from Bloomies.

Meanwhile, there's another beauty giveaway happening over at Neiman's. Their tote bags are a comparative snooze, but I might pop in just to see this fancy-pants Dior eye shadow palette. So chic!

Personally, I'm a very loyal makeup customer. I use blush by Benefit, drugstore mascara, and a certain Sephora lip gloss that I wear almost every day.

What's in your bag of tricks? Anything new and fabulous that other AnnabelManners.com readers should know about?

Meet-the-Parents Primer

2010-09-04T11:14:00.001-07:00

Dear Miss Annabel,

I'm a New England girl living in the South and, while I was raised with manners and taught to be proper, I'm nearly completely lost when it comes to Southern traditions and mannerisms. You see, I've been dating someone for a few months and it has come to my attention that his parents are coming to town and, gasp, I may have to meet them. This terrifies me because they are very traditional, old-fashioned, and Southern.

I do not know the first place to even start. My mother insists that all I have to do is "be myself," but the last thing I want to do is be labeled "a rude Northern girl." And since I know you are a Southern girl yourself I figured I would ask: what does one wear and how does one act when meeting her beau's very Southern parents?

Thank you!
Northern Girl

Dear N.G.,

What a terrific question. Don't worry! Meeting the parents may feel like a nerve-wracking audition or job interview, but I have plenty of pointers to help you make a fabulous first impression.

Your mother is absolutely right. You should indeed be yourself -- your most gracious, vivacious, well-mannered self. Since you'll probably be going out to dinner, I suggest you start with what to wear. The right outfit will boost your confidence and help set the tone for a lovely evening.

As you've probably noticed, southern women aren't shy about embracing their femininity. Definitely wear a dress or skirt -- something classic, fresh and pretty, like the Shoshana frock pictured here. Details matter, and little things like a manicure or a great pair of heels won't go unnoticed.

Next, get ready for the all-important introductions. Your boyfriend's parents are probably very curious about you, so be friendly, open, and prepared to answer lots of questions about yourself and your family. (Or, as we say in the south, "your people.")

Also, be sure to ask interesting questions of your own. It's one of the secrets of great conversationalists! If you're feeling nervous, think of a few good ones ahead of time and tuck them in your figurative back pocket.

How was the drive down?
What all do you have planned for your visit?
How often do you get to see [boyfriend's sibling]?

In terms of etiquette, it sounds like you already know what to do, but just in case:

Address them as Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So unless they invite you to call them by their first names.
Place your napkin in your lap the second you're seated.
Wait until one of your hosts takes a drink before sipping (in case there's a toast).
Don't take a bite until everyone at the table is served.
Thank both your host and hostess for a wonderful dinner.
The next day, drop a handwritten thank-you note in the mail that they'll receive soon after they get home.

One last tip: while I'm sure your boyfriend's parents are thrilled to meet you, they're in town primarily to visit their son. Even if you're invited to another outing, be respectful of their family time. You may even want to bow out so as not to intrude. As a result, your beau's parents will remember your thoughtfulness and appreciate you all the more.

I'd love to hear how this goes. Please write in with a recap if you're willing to share. It might help other anxious girlfriends. =)

Best of luck!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Does Louis Vuitton Play Dirty?

2010-09-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

Back in January, a certain prescient blogger predicted that the cast of Jersey Shore would become even more outrageous once they started making more money.

It's happening, all right. Consider Snooki, the bronzed hobgoblin pictured here:

Throughout season one, she was never seen without a Coach bag. These days she's upgraded to Gucci.

But here's the thing: according to style insider Simon Doonan, Snooki received that Gucci freebie from luxury competitor Louis Vuitton.

In other words, LV is keeping Snooki away from their bags by slyly distracting her with Gucci (and throwing their rival under a Jersey-bound bus).

I have no idea if this rumor is true, but if it is... it's so sneaky! And awful! And also (let's face it) kind of brilliant.

My apologies to those who have a low tolerance for tackiness. As a palate cleanser, please enjoy this fabulous Michael Kors coat.

Red Carpet Recap

2010-08-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

When it comes to awards shows, I have pitifully low standards. If there's a red carpet and a sea of frothy gowns, my viewership is all but guaranteed.

Without a doubt, the award for best dressed goes to Kiernan Shipka, the cutie who plays Sally Draper on Mad Men. I love that she actually looks like a little girl (as opposed to a miniature starlet).

As for her TV mama, January Jones, I'm uncharacteristically on the fence. Her royal blue Versace gown looks swingy and fun to wear, but this is a lot of dress. Not my first choice for such a gorgeous girl.

Other observations:

Heidi Klum's Marchesa dress was far too short for a formal event.
Claire Danes absolutely glowed in Armani.
I want to write a strongly-worded letter to Prada on behalf of poor Rita Wilson.
Julia Ormond rocked her red dress (and those cool Wonder Woman-style bracelets).
Kelly Osbourne looked amazingly glam in a dramatic black gown that fit her perfectly.
I think Lauren Graham is beautiful, but her black and white dress just didn't flatter.

Tell me this: did you have a favorite? Or were you content just to see Jon Hamm in a tuxedo?

Futuristic Fashion

2010-08-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

As longtime readers know, I can't bear the use of cell phones in restaurants. It's all too common to see people gabbing (or texting) away, leaving their poor dining companions no choice but to wait it out.

And this is only the beginning.

Check out the M-Dress, a slinky little number that doubles as a mobile phone. That thing on the model's wrist isn't a button or a design element, it's a receiver.

I'm a bit of a gadget girl, so I must confess I'm intrigued by how this works. Who am I to stand in the way of progress? I wouldn't turn down a sleek pair of GPS-enabled heels...

But on the other hand, I'm sort of dreading the day when we're all walking around talking into our sleeves like secret service agents.

Soon we'll be wearing our communication devices rather than carrying them, and the rules for gracious living will have to evolve along with our wardrobes.

Once that futuristic day arrives, you'll be able to spot me right away. Just look for the girl stubbornly stepping outside before answering calls on her spacesuit.

:)

Neighborhood Pest

2010-08-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

I write a blog (http://giftoffat.blogspot.com). I really enjoy the feedback I've been getting and am very encouraged.

My problem is, one of my dear neighbors reads my blog and feels the need to correct me after every entry. She and I are from very different backgrounds, and her world view is quite different from mine. To her credit, she gives her criticism in private. She means well.

Nevertheless, I am getting annoyed.

Does this simply come with the territory? Must I grin and bear it? Or is there a way I can kindly, gently let her know that she's driving me nuts?

Thank you!
Mary A

Hi Miss Mary,

Thanks for the note. I can see why you're getting impatient with Mademoiselle Know-It-All down the street.

I think it's fine to speak up in a gentle, respectful way. Next time she chimes in, say something like:

"I've been meaning to tell you, I'm really just doing this for fun. My blog doesn't have to be perfect. I'm sure plenty of people disagree with my point of view, but I really enjoy working on it. I'm glad to have you reading, but I'm not looking for any editorial feedback right now."

Keep the tone light. If your approach is warm, friendly, and relaxed, she'll probably back down immediately and start apologizing for her critiques. Just smile, take the high road, and say, "Don't give it another thought."

That's when you deftly change the subject.

"Wow, your garden looks terrific. Are those tomato plants?"

Hopefully she'll get the message. Good luck with both your meddlesome neighbor and your blog!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Glam It All

2010-08-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

Need a Monday morning boost? Here's what I think is chic this week:

1. Sunday Suppers at Lucques, also known as the only cookbook you'll ever need for stylish entertaining. Last night, my darling friend K made the lamb skewers with lima bean puree and French feta salsa verde. I'm still swooning!

2. Samantha Battersby, an Australian artist who has an Etsy shop called Matou en Peluche. Wait until you see her drawings - so delicate and delicious! I want to sip champagne with the art deco party girl pictured here.

3. An impossibly fun, flirty outfit by Milly. I've yet to try on this skirt, but I can tell the fabric is beyond fabulous. I'd even rock the mock turtleneck.

What's inspiring you these days? Let's dish!

Couple's Baby Shower Q & A

2010-08-19T06:37:00.001-07:00

Dear Annabel Manners,

A very dear friend just announced that she is pregnant and expecting at the end of February. I am very excited for her, and because she is a close friend and I love hosting parties, I am planning to host her shower.

I know that she is not really a fan of standard baby shower activities, and I have to say I can't blame her! Many of the games I've had to play at baby showers have been boring at best, gross on average, and at worst, humiliating for the mother-to-be. Needless to say, I will be very selective about any games we play!

I'd like to host a more "modern" shower. It will probably be co-ed, per my friend's wishes, and we may do it in the evening as either a cocktail party or a coffee and dessert party. I have a few questions about the etiquette for this kind of event, though! Most of my friends and I live in apartments or condos. The only one who doesn't is my friend who is expecting! Thus, she is the only one with a home large enough to host more than 12 or 14 people. I know that a mother-to-be should never host a shower for herself, but can I host at her house?

If we are not able to find a private home to use, we may have the event at a restaurant in a private dining room. It is appropriate to have a cash bar at a hosted event of this kind?

Part of the standard events at a normal baby shower is opening gifts. I am having a hard time imagining this working well at a larger-co-ed event -- it can seem interminable even at a large all-women shower. I have heard of showers where the mother-to-be opens gifts as guests arrive or as they leave, which might work well for a "come-and-go" shower, but makes keeping track of gifts much harder. Must the mother-to-be open gifts at the shower, or is it acceptable to bring the gifts home unopened and simply send thank-you notes as you would at a wedding?

How do you phrase the invitation for a baby shower so that people know it is co-ed? It seems a little gauche to write "co-ed" on the invitation! Any other suggestions you have for making this event a success are very much appreciated!

Thank you so much,
Clueless in Seattle

Dear Clueless in Seattle,

Congratulations to your friend! No matter what kind of shower you decide to throw, she'll be delighted by your thoughtfulness. These days, baby showers can be anything from tea and cookies to a full-scale, co-ed soiree. I don't blame you for being overwhelmed with questions.

Though obviously it's not ideal, I think it's OK to host the shower at your friend's house under these circumstances. Be sure to arrive with all your own supplies. You'll also need two groups of reliable volunteers, one for set-up and one for a very thorough clean-up.

Hosting the shower at a restaurant is great, but not if it means having a cash bar. Have you looked into parks or community centers in your area? Sometimes you can rent them inexpensively or for free, then serve whatever libations match your theme. For example, you could have a baby shower/BBQ at the park with beer and wine. (Did you know Target sells the latter in juice boxes? Genius!)

I also like your coffee and dessert idea. In that case you could host the party somewhere fab without serving any alcohol at all. This works well with a budget because you'll have a clear understanding of your costs going in -- there won't be any big surprises upon receiving the bill.

I know what you mean about gift-opening dragging on for days. Still, the whole purpose of this party is to shower the mother-to-be with gifts so she's prepared for the baby's arrival. Is it possible to open presents without bringing the festivities to a halt? Maybe this can happen in another room or a designated corner. Those who are interested can watch and coo over each item, but nobody will be forced to do so for 45 minutes.

As for the invitations, there's no need to emphasize the co-ed element in writing. Simply address the invitations to Amy and Andrew rather than just Amy. Your guests will get it right away. If you want, you can also incorporate the words "Couple's Shower" into the invitation (much like the one shown here).

For more inspiration, check out Hostess with the Mostess. This blog is full of fantastic ideas for parties of all kinds!

Remember, your friend and her husband will be thrilled no matter what you decide. Have fun planning the fete!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Sunday Star Sighting (Yes Yes, Y'all)

2010-08-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a fun fact that may surprise readers who don't know me in real life. My iPod is crammed with Carolina beach music, Motown classics, and a whole lot of hip-hop.

What can I say? Beneath the family pearls and cashmere sweaters beats the heart of an around-the-way girl.

Yesterday, I ducked into the fabulously healthy M Cafe on Melrose, where I had a star sighting that almost took my breath away.

At the very next table sat Common, the handsome rapper/actor pictured here. He was lunching with a young woman and dispensing what sounded like solid career advice. As the duo got up to leave, I did something I never, ever do.

I caught his eye, smiled and said, "I just have to tell you -- I'm a HUGE fan of your music."

He flashed me a gorgeous grin and replied, "Aw, thank you very much." Then he reached out and shook my hand.

"Isn't the food here amazing?" he asked. I nodded shyly and he told me to have a great afternoon.

Honestly, I don't know what got into me. I don't believe in pestering celebrities, but something told me Common would be lovely about it.

He's probably used to meeting starry-eyed white girls in espadrilles and J. Crew sundresses.

If you're curious about his music, here's an old-school jam to kick off your week. Hope it's full of unexpected treats!

Chic Sweethearts

2010-08-14T11:26:00.000-07:00

Y'all have probably been wondering whatever happened to that lazy layabout Annabel Manners. Between summer travel and wild workdays, I've been a very negligent blogger!

While on sabbatical, I received several intriguing etiquette questions from readers, which I promise to answer soon in this very space. In the meantime, here's a cool anecdote about my favorite L.A. boutique.

From divine dresses to hot accessories, Polkadots & Moonbeams has it all. (In fact, you might remember me carrying on about this monogrammed necklace last summer).

In addition to heaps of cute clothes, this store has the nicest shopgirls in town. They know their inventory well and are quick to help each customer pull together a unique, fabulous look.

One day I was chatting with the owner when she introduced me to the store assistant, a friendly, 40-ish fellow with special needs. He lives in the neighborhood and was always hanging around, so a few years ago she asked him if he wanted a job.

Now he helps unpack boxes, grab coffee for the ladies, and carry items between the modern store and its vintage clothing outpost two doors down. The owner (also known as Miss Moonbeam) says they don't know what they'd do without him.

Gotta love gracious girls with big hearts and impeccable style. No wonder I can't stay away!

In other news, check out Gossip Girl actress Jessica Szohr looking adorably posh for a TV appearance in New York City.

Hope you're enjoying every last second of summer!

The Full Picture

2010-08-06T06:56:00.001-07:00

Whenever Mama Manners and I see a dowdy dress geared to women of a certain age, one of us inevitably says to the other, "it's a little bit...mother of the bride."

I must say, there was nothing tepid about Hillary Clinton's look last weekend. Her Oscar de la Renta gown was lovely, tasteful, and appropriate.

Or so I thought. Check out this mother-of-the-bride getup in its entirety:

As it turns out, an abundance of flowers can take a great-looking dress from "mom" to "prom."

What did you think of Chelsea's gown? Is it the same strapless number everyone else wears these days, or do the details set it apart?

My take: Chelsea looked radiant and I loved her hair and makeup. Her dress was beautifully constructed. But as high-profile Vera Wang gowns go, I still prefer Ivanka Trump's.

Peeping Tommy

2010-08-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

The other day, I popped into Old Navy for the sole purpose of buying $3 flip-flops. (I was on my way to get a pedicure, and stopping at the store was quicker than running all the way home.)

Inside, I noticed a rowdy band of little boys ages three to five who were running and playing with such gusto, they'd worked up a sweat.

I found these sandals in a matter of seconds, then was momentarily sidetracked by a pair of cute cargo pants.

I ducked into one of those freestanding dressing rooms with nothing but a mirror and a curtain and got straight to work. Midway into the pants, I heard muffled giggles coming from outside my tiny space. A small sneaker appeared under the curtain.

"Someone's in here," I called.

And that's when it happened. One of the little boys flung open the curtain, revealing a half-dressed yours truly.

"Guys!" I said, exasperated. "That is not cool."

I threw on my regular clothes and marched out of the dressing room. For the first time I spied their harried mother, who had approximately 12 other children and had clearly missed the whole thing.

I didn't want to stir up trouble, but I couldn't resist giving the ringleader a what-do-you-have-to-say-for-yourself kind of look. (I figure it's good practice for when I'm a mom.)

The kid's eyes got very wide. I'm sure he thought I was about to bust them. He made a quick decision and without a word, pointed to his brother.

That's when I gave up and burst out laughing.

Well played, little man. Well played.

Sartorial Sneak Peek

2010-08-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

When it comes to style, my mantra is, "hot fun in the summertime." By no means do I wish to hustle my favorite season out the door prematurely. Still, I must confess to feeling a tiny stir of excitement upon hearing the "f" word.

Fall.

Soon it will be time to abandon floaty frocks and wedge sandals in favor of camel coats, cute boots, and my old friend cashmere. (Well. To the extent that one can in southern California, anyway.)

Here are a few haute picks:

1. The most fabulous skirt ever, courtesy of Derek Lam. I'm dying to try it on just to see.

2. A less outrageously priced version by Alice + Olivia. Love the accompanying silk blouse, too.

3. A chic chiffon party dress from Club Monacco.

4. Super swoon-worthy heels brought to you by Mr. Valentino.

5. A military-inspired jacket from BB Dakota.

Now, tell me this: what are you coveting for fall?

Pint-Sized Party Crashers

2010-07-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

Hello Annabel,

What is the deal with the recent epidemic of people bringing their babies and children to bridal showers? We recently hosted a shower at my mother's home (which is NOT baby/childproof, by the way) and three of the guests brought their under-age-three kids.

At one point, one of the mothers sat her child down on the carpeted floor with a tub of hot pink play dough. We still have a spot of pink embedded in the carpet. All the tots were given plates of food as well, and made quite a mess in the formal living room.

Obviously the invitations were addressed to the women only, yet they feel their kids are also invited by default? What happened to getting a baby-sitter? Fancy bridal showers are NOT appropriate for toddlers, and we were quite irritated that these women felt entitled to bring them along.

Thoughts?
A

Dear A,

I agree with you 100%. If the baby's name doesn't appear on the invitation, the baby has no business crashing the party, no matter how adorable he or she may be.

In most cases, children who attend bridal showers are there because they're part of the wedding party, or because they're especially close to the bride (who has expressly invited them).

The mothers in question should have A) hired a sitter, or B) called to explain that they couldn't find one, and therefore wouldn't be able to attend after all. In that moment, the hostess has a choice. She can either say, "Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that," or, "Don't be silly! We'd hate to have you miss this. Please bring Cutie Pie along."

Having said that, all good hostesses occasionally have to wing it. I think the best course of action in your situation would have been to turn the kitchen into an impromptu toddler zone for eating, drinking, and (ahem) creative expression.

You were right to welcome the stroller-toting moms (and really, you'd have to be awfully uptight to turn them away). But being a gracious hostess doesn't mean you have to be a doormat, either. No reasonable person would expect you to stand by silently while Cutie Pie grinds Play-Doh into the living room carpet.

I don't blame you for being irritated. I hope your next soiree attracts less presumptuous guests!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. Dig the booties pictured here? Check them out on Etsy.com!

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Double Trouble

2010-07-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

Did you grow up reading Sweet Valley High books?

If so, prepare for a nostalgic thrill. Ten years after high school, the Wakefield twins are coming back!

Alas, Sweet Valley Confidential doesn't come out until March 2011, but in the meantime, you can read the first chapter here.

There are so many pressing questions!

Does Bruce Patman still drive a black Porsche? Did Elizabeth marry her boring-as-tea boyfriend Todd? Will Jessica fulfill her dream of becoming a model, despite her chunky-by-industry-standards size-six frame?

This little blogger can't wait to find out.

There's also a movie in the works penned by Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody. Personally, I'm hoping for a period piece set in the 80s...

Have a wonderful week!

Dinner with the Governor

2010-07-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel Manners,

I live here in Ohio and received a surprise invitation from a friend of an Ambassador to be a guest at an informal dinner at Governor Strickland's residence in two weeks.

I haven't dressed up or worn makeup in five years, so I'm concerned about what level of dress "informal" is when dinner takes place at the Governor's digs.

I can hold my own with the forks, manners, etc. at a formal dinner -- I had a strict stepmother -- but what does one call a government official in an informal setting? I'm guessing 'sir' and 'ma'am' is appropriate for the Governor and his wife, but I'm not sure about the Ambassador.

I feel nauseous every time I think about it. Please help!

-- Ohio Girl

Dear O.G.,

This is my favorite kind of letter -- an etiquette 911! Don't worry, we'll have you so poised and prepared, the governor and his wife will swear you've been to the mansion before.

Addressing your hosts is easy. They're simply "Governor Strickland" and "Mrs. Strickland." When you're introduced, stand up straight, smile warmly and say, "Good evening," or "It's nice to meet you." Throughout the dinner, you can use "yes sir" and "yes ma'am" when answering questions.

GOVERNOR: Did you grow up in Ohio?
YOU: Yes sir, I'm from [town]. I've lived here all my life.

I must confess I had to look up how to greet an ambassador. From my research, it looks "Mr. Ambassador" or "Madam Ambassador" would be most appropriate for this situation. (His, her, or your excellency is reserved for foreign ambassadors in formal settings.) Readers, if you have more information about this, please chime in.

As for the dress code, "informal" doesn't mean backyard barbecue. It just means this isn't a black-tie affair. Most likely, the men at your table will still be in suits or sport coats, so you'll want to fit right in.

I suggest you wear a dress and heels. Since it's summertime, a sleeveless frock is fine, but don't wear anything too strappy or bare. Think chic and simple -- a classic little black or little white dress. (The one pictured here is from J. Crew.)

It sounds like a shopping trip is in order, or at least a visit to the closet of a stylish friend. If you're still struggling with what to wear, feel free to email me pictures of potential dresses. I'm happy to advise you.

My guess is you'll feel better about this dinner as soon as you find the right outfit. Since you already have the table manners down, you're ahead of the game! Just wear lipstick, use your best posture, and try to relax and have fun.

Good luck!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

The Reality TV Doctor Is In

2010-07-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

One funny thing about living in Los Angeles:

Many of the medical and beauty professionals you see on reality TV have real-life practices right down the street.

On any given Tuesday, I could visit the dentist from Extreme Makeover, get highlights from celebrity hair stylist Ken Paves, see Paula Abdul's eye doctor, or have a consultation with Robert Rey, also known as Dr. 90210.

Yesterday, I checked out Dr. Rey's website. (Just looking, mind you.) This testimonial made me fall over laughing:

Dear Dr. Rey,

May the Baby Jesus be a tender reminder of God's love and continue to grow as the ruler of your heart at Christmas and always.

All My Love,
T.A.

(Thanks for the great boob's)

Don't believe me? Click here to see for yourself. It's the sixth one from the top.

I don't know what's funnier. Boobs and the baby Jesus, the misplaced apostrophe, or the fact that this person's initials are T&A!

Second-Time Bride

2010-07-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

I am engaged to be married for a second time, and I'm struggling with some aspects of planning the wedding. It is also my fiance's second marriage, but his first took place in a courthouse and he didn't invite anyone, so for his family and friends it will be a first wedding.

I had a pretty big bash the first time around, and I am uncomfortable asking people to do it again. Honestly, if it were up to me we'd just have our parents, my daughter, and a small sweet ceremony. But he wants to celebrate the event by inviting his friends and family, and I completely get that and want him to realize I am equally enthusiastic about our marriage.

The thing is, my first marriage ended in tragedy. My husband, who, unbeknownst to me, had had a drug problem before we met, started using again and became heavily addicted very quickly. I had to leave him, my house, and most of my stuff when my daughter was two months old. No one has seen or heard from him for over two years now. During all of that, my friends and family were amazingly supportive and lovely, and now I think they are very invested in celebrating the good that has come my way -- a great daughter, a wonderful fiance, and a fabulous new start.

So my question is, how do I keep the spirit of celebration alive without imposing on my loved ones? One idea I had is to "register" for a charity of some kind -- or even two or three to give people a choice -- and then their gift to us would be giving to the charity instead of two us. The other idea is to ask the same three women to be in my wedding party, but this time let them wear whatever they want.

We don't need or want it to be fancy, but we want it to be fun. Thoughts?

Thank you!
Starting Again

Dear Starting Again,

Congratulations on your engagement! All weddings are cause for celebration, but this one sounds especially joyous.

I understand why you don't want to impose upon guests who are attending for the second time, and I think it's wonderful that you're so sensitive to it. Trust your instincts under these unusual circumstances. Embrace the traditions that feel appropriate and dispense with the rest.

I love your idea of allowing bridesmaids to wear whatever they want. These ladies have stood by you through it all, and it will feel great to have them beside you on such a momentous day.

As for gifts, directing your family and friends to charitable contributions is unselfish, but it still requires something of your guests. If you want to simplify things even further, you can skip registration altogether. ("No gifts, please. Your presence is the present!")

In terms of the wedding itself, my advice is to sit down with your fiance and make a list of the traditions that are important to you (things like cake-cutting or your first dance). Be sure to incorporate these elements, then treat the rest of the event like an exuberant party. Don't worry about pulling off a lavish affair. Instead, have a bash to celebrate your happiness and thank your loved ones for their support.

Have fun and enjoy this special time!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Gracious Living

2010-07-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a Monday.

I needed a lift, so I threw on a way-cuter-than-necessarily Badgley Mischka sundress and a pair of sky-high heels before teetering out the door.

"You look great," remarked a dog-walking neighbor I've never met.

"Thanks!" I beamed. And with that, I walked a little taller all day.

It got me thinking about all the small things we gracious girls do automatically that make the world a more pleasant place to be.

For example, I bet you already:

1. Talk to strangers. A tiny hello, good morning, smile, or nod goes a long way. And any brief acknowledgment will do.

2. Ease the flow of traffic. If there's a crush of people aimed at the same doorway, hold the door for people coming out before you go in. It's simple physics.

3. Name-drop. If you know someone's name, use it. Never pretend otherwise because you suspect they don't know yours.

4. Use discretion like lip balm. After all, it applies to everything from keeping secrets to chewing gum.

5. Do it all with signature style. Whether it's pencil skirts, vintage gems, or a pair of Brian Atwood pumps, make sure you always look (and feel) like you.

Have a chic week!

Knocked Up and Decked Out

2010-07-08T06:19:00.000-07:00

Imagine this:

Your second cousin Eloise is getting married on a Saturday in the summer. A Saturday when you know for a fact you'll be massively pregnant.

You could purchase an LBMD (little black maternity dress), or consider RentMaternityWear.com, a website that lends frocks by the week.

Y'all probably know I'd never rent a Chanel handbag or (heaven forbid) a wedding gown, but I appreciate the practicality of this idea. If you can get past the ew-someone-else-wore-this factor, it's a very clever concept.

The collection is small but decent. I was expecting to find high-end designers, but then again I've never been pregnant. (The only name that rang a bell with me was Christian Siriano, who created the dress shown here. )

Other observations:

Renting silk chiffon for a week runs you $70, while a simple satin number with an empire waist is only $39.
It's just like Netflix. You can drop the gown in an envelope and mail it back without dry-cleaning.
You won't be charged extra for little spills.
For a higher fee, you can borrow a dress that's guaranteed to be brand new or worn only once.

What do you think? Would you rent a maternity dress, or does it remind you of bowling shoes?

Stars, Stripes, and Celebrity Gossip

2010-07-06T06:53:00.000-07:00

If you should ever find yourself at the Hollywood Bowl (a most excellent place to be on the 4th of July), do not, under any circumstances:

Arrive late, then climb over 17 people in a clumsy effort to find your seats
Occupy better seats than the ones you purchased hoping their rightful owners won't show
Munch noisily while those around you enjoy the L.A. Philharmonic

I saw all this and more on Sunday, but it hardly mattered. On the 4th of July, I like picnics, patriotism, and irresponsibly large displays of fireworks. The Bowl delivers across the board.

It's best to come early so you have time to feast before the show. Our crew polished off great wine, a trio of summer salads, stinky cheese, crostini, and two desserts!

One thing I love about Los Angeles: our exuberant music director, Gustavo Dudamel, is nicknamed "The Dude." He wasn't conducting on the 4th, but he'll be back the first week of August. If you're in town, watch him tackle Carmen, Bolero, or Gershwin and Bernstein.

Here's a lowbrow treat for those of you trudging back to work today.

Every 4th of July, my favorite gossip blog reveals celebrity blind items. Click here to get this year's salacious scoop from a dishy entertainment lawyer who seems to really know his stuff.

Carrie Underwood (pictured above) is mentioned in one of the blind items. It's a good one...

Hope y'all had safe and happy holidays!

Chic and Eek + Real Estate

2010-06-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Eek:

Jersey Shore's The Situation autographing a floozy (and displaying a truly terrible haircut) at his 28th birthday party.

Chic:

Alexis Bledel looking summer-fabulous at the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic. From flat sandals to playful nail blue polish, this is trendy done right.

In completely unrelated news, check out the gorgeous Bel Air estate owned by Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli (of Target fame). I love the exterior and the grounds, but I'm longing to redecorate inside...

What do y'all think?

Louis, Longchamp, or L.L. Bean?

2010-06-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

Miss Manners,

I'm looking for the quintessential summer tote. J. Crew makes one every year but unfortunately their famed Large Madaket Tote is backordered until August 18! That's just too late for my Nantucket, MA and Kennebunkport, ME weekend jaunts. Do you have any recommendations? Please help.

Best,
Rachael

Hey Rachael,

Thanks for the note. I have three suggestions ranging from practical to extravagant.

I used to think Louis Vuitton logo bags were shouty and noveau-riche, but with this new emphasis on monogramming, I may be changing my tune. There are 17 bright, poppy colors to choose from. Visit their website to test-drive all the fab personalization options.

Fun fact: Ernest Hemingway and Charles Lingbergh both rocked monogrammed Louis luggage, so you'll be in good company if you go this route.

If you're a preppy purist, consider my old favorite, the L.L. Bean Boat and Tote Bag. They're durable, easily monogrammed, and very much at home in both of your summer destinations. I have a navy and white one that goes everywhere.

The last option is less sturdy but oh-so-chic. Visit Saks or Bloomingdales to check out the Longchamp nylon tote. They're ideal for folding and stashing in your luggage -- perfect for those who plan to shop on vacation.

Enjoy your summer travels!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Summer Lovin'

2010-06-25T06:50:00.001-07:00

Ah, summer. My favorite weather, favorite frocks, favorite flings...

Here are a few light bites to kick off the weekend in style.

1. Check out Katie Holmes, Malin Akerman, Josh Duhamel and more doing a photo shoot for J. Crew. Apparently our preppy fave figures prominently into their upcoming film The Romantics. I'm in!

2. Speaking of movies, I'm swooning over Salma Hayek's flirty getup at the premiere of Grown Ups.

3. These topsiders are far too cute to be men's! I searched for a female equivalent, but all I could find was a pair of flat sandals with a similar color palette.

4. This weekend, the frozen yogurt franchise Pinkberry hits the ATL. Out here on the west coast, the brand has enjoyed lots of celebrity fans, but also a swirl of controversy around its ingredients. Draw your own low-cal conclusions.

Hope you're having nothing but summer fun!

I Do. Again!

2010-06-23T06:40:00.002-07:00

Dear Annabel,

I live in L.A. and I am attending the wedding of a good college friend in Cleveland this summer. For the groom (32), this is the second marriage.

What is the gift etiquette on second marriage? Do I not give a gift at all? Do I give a smaller gift to match the smaller second wedding? Do I go all out like I did for the first wedding? It is the first marriage for the bride.

I will already be spending quite a bit of money getting to Ohio for the second time. What do you think?

Thanks,
C

Dear C,

Wedding presents are about celebrating the couple and sharing your excitement about their new life together. Technically you don't have to send a gift for the second round, but I would do it anyway.

Do your friends have a registry? If so, you can take a look and choose something in a price range you're comfortable with. (No need to send an entire place setting of Vera Wang china, etc.)

As the saying goes, it's the thought that counts. Theater tickets, a special bottle of wine, or a year of Netflix might be more appropriate for people who already have all the traditional wedding gear. (Check out this article for more ideas on creative gifts.)

Alternatively, you could also join forces with someone else who will be attending this groom's wedding for the second time. A lovely gift from both of you would be perfectly acceptable.

Have fun at the wedding!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. The monogrammed napkin rings pictured above can be found here.

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Haute Hats

2010-06-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

This one's for L.A. readers who love accessories.

A hat designer named Ariane Azarpira has a fabulous boutique on Melrose right across the street from Fred Segal. This weekend, her entire store is 50% off!

My friend H. and I had a ball trying on cloches, sun hats, berets, and countless other Derby-perfect delights.

I'd be marching around town in one of the hats pictured here except that I just purchased some stylish new brake pads.

Hope y'all decide to shop on my behalf!

Honey Fun or Honey Flop?

2010-06-16T06:33:00.000-07:00

Annabel,

I grew up with a Miss Manners mother myself, and for the first time we're in an 'agree to disagree' moment about a particular wedding etiquette. Times are changing and there are certain ideas and traditions that we just need to accept and get with the times on.

In this case I'm talking about wedding gift giving. Now don't panic, I'm not straying far....just something I thought was a new way of thinking.

Now, not all couples are $$ lucky enough on their own or within their fams to afford big honeymoons. Who is these days?! A clever little site called HoneyFund.com was created just for those folks. Say if a couple doesn't want or need sheets, place settings, or blenders, they can kindly redirect the invitees, if they're inclined to give gifts, to contribute to their honeymoon expenses.

Yes, this was a faux pas in the past to ask guests to pay for anything along these lines, but why, in this day, age, and economy, is that still such an awful thing? Just saying! Curious as to your take on this one.

A

Dear A,

You're not going to like this, but I'm with your mother.

I understand the infinite practicality of honeymoon registries, and I agree that the rules of social engagement evolve over time. But from an etiquette point of view, I just can't support this.

Please take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. I'm an old-school WASP, which means I'm deeply uncomfortable talking about money.

I can't help it. I find the whole practice of registering for honeymoons tacky and crass.

Lots of brides don't know this, but emblazoning your registry information upon shower and wedding invitations is ill-mannered to begin with. Turning the registry into a brisk financial transaction makes it even worse.

Besides, this mechanism already exists. Many wedding guests write checks in lieu of sending a gift. The happy couple can of course use the money in whatever way they see fit. The only difference is they can't monitor their fiscal progress as though they were hosting a telethon.

I know this must sound stuffy and outmoded, but that's my unvarnished opinion. I understand why people are launching honeyfunds, but I would never, ever do it myself.

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Black Magic

2010-06-14T06:49:00.000-07:00

Ever bought something so spectacular that you had to throw a party right away?

That's how I feel about the black crystal glassware currently on sale at Williams Sonoma Home.

I can't find it online anywhere, but I did spot it in the West Hollywood store yesterday. If there's one near you, these gorgeous glasses are worth a peek!

(I didn't buy them, but now I'm starting to panic. What if they're on sale because they're going away for good?)

Also marked down: super cute needlepoint slippers (talk about a perfect hostess gift), luxe cashmere throws to monogram for someone special, and madras place mats and napkins for your summer table.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go obsess over these impractical glasses. Which don't go with anything in my home (where everything is either aqua, khaki, or white).

Chic and Eek: BFF Edition

2010-06-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

Chic:

Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson, and Naomi Watts checking out Stella McCartney's spring 2011 line.

(Nobody does minimal like Gwynnie. And Naomi's shoes are beyond fabulous.)

Eek:

Paris Hilton and MTV's Snooki, awash in feathers, sequins, eye makeup, and Mystic Tan.

Less is more, ladies. Less is more.

Speaking of subtlety, another Jersey Shore cast member (and AnnabelManners.com alum) is launching her own clothing line.

Brace yourselves, darlin' readers. Filthy Couture is coming soon!

Style Craving

2010-06-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

In a fashionably ideal world, here's what I'd be wearing today:

1. An adorable dress in my signature color. (It happens to be on sale. I'm just saying.)

2. A spritz of Balenciaga Paris. (I recently discovered this at Neiman's and now I'm cheating on Chloe!)

3. These amazing Gucci aviators (I think the white ones are divine).

4. And finally, Lilly Pulitzer's perfect pink clutch.

Now, who wants to get dolled up and meet me for lunch?

Party Foul

2010-06-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel Manners,

This isn't really a question, I just have to tell you about the rudest thing I have seen in a long time. Recently I hosted a birthday luncheon for my good friend and 5 other women. One of them is my good friend's coworker (I don't know her very well at all).

I was going around the table pouring everyone a glass of wine. The coworker took a big sip, got lip gloss all over the glass, and then she handed it back to me. She said, "I have been working with a nutritionist who is helping me make choices. I choose not to drink this."

I was speechless. Have you ever heard of anything like this?

- N.S. in GA

Dear N.S.,

Unbelievable! Did she think she was at a wine tasting?

If she knew she wasn't going to drink, she should have stopped you before you poured it in the first place. Failing that, she could have handed her unsullied glass to the birthday girl with a light, "I'm being good today. More for you!"

As party guests, sometimes we wind up with too much on our plates. A huge hunk of cake, a second helping of rubbery coq au vin -- all we can do is be gracious and mindful of the hostess and her feelings. Protest that you're stuffed, but everything was simply delicious. Take one more bite, then put down your fork.

Now back to the matter at hand. Unless your charmless party guest has other redeeming qualities that make you want to be her friend, there's no need to invite her back. Save your wine (and everything else) for someone who'll appreciate it!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Doggie Shoppers

2010-06-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

How can you tell you're in Southern California? Look for:

Jeans in 5-star restaurants
Cozy scarves paired with flip-flops
And of course, dogs at the mall.

I'm not just talking about teacup-sized chihuahuas riding around in purses. Over the weekend, I saw a German shepherd trotting through Nordstrom.

According to the L.A. Times, there are no size restrictions for canines aspiring to visit The Grove. All dogs are welcome, which is why there are more leashes than strollers.

It's no secret that people in L.A. adore their pets. (Remember my rant about the puppy in a baby sling on Robertson Boulevard?)

Being a dog person myself, I love seeing them lounging around on restaurant patios or meandering down the street with their owners.

Just maybe not in department stores. They make me nervous around the Jimmy Choos.

For Darlin' Dads Everywhere

2010-05-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

Had to share a fun Father's Day idea with y'all because it requires a little advanced planning.

One year I got Daddy Manners monogrammed cocktail napkins for his bar -- they were a monster hit!

I chose fonts and colors, then ordered them from ForYourParty.com. (It can take up to two weeks to process the order, then they send them via ground shipping. If you're going this route, order soon!)

Try pairing your creation with these posh-yet-masculine serving trays from Williams Sonoma Home (currently on sale for $69 and under).

Alternatively, you could get him glen-plaid crystal glasses or a bottle of his favorite libation. In Daddy Manners' case, it's Makers Mark on the rocks.

Cheers!

Shoe Sale News!

2010-05-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

Ready your credit cards. Nordstrom has Tory Burch espadrilles for 40% off! (They're now $97.90.)

In fact, irresistible summer shoes are everywhere. Here are but a few...

1. Fabulous ribbon flip-flops from Talbots (already featured by savvy fellow blogger Preppy Little Dress).

2. Trendy-but-delicious platform clogs courtesy of Mr. Marc Jacobs.

3. Gorgeous Charles David wedge sandals (because, according to Elizabeth Banks' character on 30 Rock, "Flats are for quitters").

4. The best thing that has ever happened to topsiders. In the entire history of boating.

5. A pretty and delicate pair of sandals to wear to summer weddings (they come in several different colors).

Speaking of shoes, I think today is an excellent day to buy tickets for Sex and the City 2, don't you?

Sweet Tea Time

2010-05-24T06:19:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about Atlanta:

When you go out to dinner on a Saturday night, you can bet your Jimmy Choos every man in the restaurant will be wearing a sport coat.

(We have that phenomenon here in Los Angeles, of course. You just have to go to a wedding to see it.)

Having not laid eyes on my family since Christmas, I slipped off to the ATL for a much-needed weekend visit. What a treat! A few highlights:

Giant magnolias in bloom all over the city. The kind you want to pluck and float in antique crystal bowls because they smell so divine.
Shopping with Mama Manners. Remember how I told y'all about Elizabeth McKay? I tried on heaps of her clothes at Poppy's, and they're made just as beautifully as I suspected. I'm now the proud owner of one of her adorable skirts.
Listening to beach music and having a cocktail on my parents' screened-in porch.
An unforgettable dinner at Bacchanalia, which rivals fine dining in the City of Angels.
Squealing over every single thing at Boxwoods, a fabulous home, garden, and gift store. I want to move right in!

I came home full of blog inspiration, so stay tuned to AnnabelManners.com.

Have a wonderful week, everybody!

Tupperware Tirade

2010-05-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

Love you, love your column. I confess, this question begins with a rant.

If I'm bringing food to someone who just had a new baby or a death in the family, I'm doing so 1) to show I care, and 2) because it is a busy, taxing time and I want to make things a little easier. So why, in the name of all sensibility, would I bring said food in a dish I need to have back? That means my busy tired friend about whom I care deeply has to not only keep track of which dish is mine, but also make sure it is not injured in any way, and orchestrate its return! It's called semi-disposable plastic containers, peeps! Or if you feel that presentation is inadequate, plastic-but-looks-like-crystal trays are available for a buck or two!

Rant over. Question begins.

When does the obligation end with other people's containers? "I still have your Tupperware" can go on for months or even years. When can I give it to Goodwill? Or do I really have to spend the better part of a day driving around returning stuff?

Sincerely,
Holy Cannoli

Dear HC,

On the bright side, you're very lucky to have so many thoughtful friends. No doubt each tray of lasagna and loaf of banana bread was made with the best of intentions.

In light of that, I think it's important to at least make an effort to return people's containers. Instead of driving all over town, try sending out a mass email or posting something on Facebook. Pile everything on the kitchen table and take a photo, then begin your note with a warm thank-you.

Dear friends,

So many of you brought homemade provisions when [junior was born or grandmother passed away]. We just can't thank you enough!

[Husband] and I have full bellies and a tower of Tupperware that isn't ours.

Does anything in this photo look familiar? If so, please let me know what's yours so I can return it.

Lots of love, HC

From there, use post-it notes to keep track of what belongs to whom, then return things to their rightful owners the next time you see them. After a few weeks, anything unclaimed can be donated to charity.

Thanks for reminding future do-gooders that disposable containers are the way to go!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

P.S. Betty Draper (pictured above) would know exactly what to do. Countdown to Mad Men Season 4 is on!

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Shoe Mystery

2010-05-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, I spotted a pair of Tory Burch lobster-print espadrilles at Fred Segal, which I've been dying to share with y'all.

The only trouble? I couldn't find them online anywhere.

Today's search turned up this version (currently at Neiman's).

I'm almost positive the ones I swooned over had wedge heels and ribbons that tied around the ankles.

Darling readers, has anyone seen such a thing, or did they come to me in a preppy dream?

I want to wear them with this Lilly dress and be the belle of every barbecue!

Frumpy Chic

2010-05-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

Dear heaven, what is going on here?

Let's collect some hard data. I spy:

Flat sandals at an evening event.
No pedicure.
The pairing of said sandals with a long, wintry plaid skirt. In mid-May.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ashley Olsen.

Isn't she usually the more presentable twin?

Today's haute tip: When you are gnomishly short, think very, very carefully before wearing maxi-length skirts with tragic flats and multiple prints.

Oooh, but you know what? Maybe Ashley and her sister switched places for the night in an effort to nudge their parents back together (ala The Parent Trap).

This is probably an undercover Mary-Kate, in which case the outfit makes all kinds of sense.

A Little Bling

2010-05-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

Remember my adorable friend A, who unfailingly buys herself baubles on Valentine's Day?

Last weekend, she let me in on her secret -- an invitation-only jewelry show that happens just three times per year.

We fueled up with lunch at Tavern (which I highly, highly recommend), then got down to the business of shopping.

It's a very perilous setup. Picture a whole dining room table laden with jewels, a never-empty glass of champagne in your hand, and an exuberant hostess urging you to try everything on "just to see."

Well, I'll tell you what. This little blogger will never be known for her willpower.

Please pardon the blurry BlackBerry photo, and my complete and utter lack of a manicure.

What we have here is rose quartz set in pink gold surrounded by tiny, sparking diamonds.

I couldn't help myself. This ring clearly has magical, mood-boosting properties.

I've been beaming at it all week!

Stinky Situation

2010-05-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

Hello,

I have a very good friend that doesn't shower regularly. Whenever we hang out, she usually smells like body odor and sweat. Is there a politically correct way to say something to her without hurting her feelings?

Thanks!
D

Dear D.,

Wow. That might be the trickiest question in the brief but distinguished history of AnnabelManners.com.

Your choices both have downsides. Either you stay mute on the matter and only see your friend at breezy outdoor cafes, or speak up and risk doing irreparable damage to the friendship.

She must just not know. I can't imagine a girl shrugging her shoulders upon hearing that she smells!

It's up to you to decide whether you think your relationship can sustain a discussion like this, and whether your intentions are purely altruistic. If you decide to proceed, I'd begin like this:

"I want to talk to you about something awkward. I debated whether I should say anything at all, but if it were me, I'd want to know. Sometimes it smells like you don't shower often enough, and I was just wondering what kind of products you're using."

Next, assure her that you don't want to hurt her feelings, and that her hygienic choices are obviously her own. If possible, steer the discussion toward daily routines and brands of soap and deodorant, etc. Maybe those patchouli-scented products from the health food store just aren't doing the job!

One important caveat: avoid saying anything like, "I'm not the only one who's noticed this," or "we all talked about it, and..." That would only up her embarrassment. It may be true, but since you're tackling this alone, you should speak only for yourself.

Another idea that might save her some mortification: pour all of this into a gentle, tactful email, and tell her she has the right to ignore it completely if that's her wish.

Whew - good luck with that!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Pants are Passe

2010-05-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

To be fair, reality starlet Kristin Cavallari was hosting a pool party in Las Vegas when this photo was snapped.

Still, there's something bizarre about pairing a teeny bikini with a see-through top and a glaring lack of pants.

How about a cute cover-up? A sarong? The robe from her hotel room, even. Anything to tame the tackiness.

But then again, maybe Kristin's just ahead of the curve. Want proof? Check out American Apparel's sheer jumper pants, which they suggest layering over tights or bicycle shorts.

1. Ew.
2. Frankly, this has already been done.

If anyone needs me, I'll be lying down with a cold cloth on my forehead.

House Guest How-To

2010-05-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

Hi Annabel,

I'm working on an article about being a good houseguest, and I'd love your expert opinion on when someone has clearly overstayed their welcome. What, in your opinion, is the optimal amount of time you can stay at someone's home as a guest? I'd say no more than four nights if they don't have a dedicated guestroom for you, and no more than a week if they do. Any longer than that and they'd better be very close family.

What do you think? I'll humbly defer to your opinion!

Best, G

Hi G,

Thanks for the note!

There's an old saying attributed to Benjamin Franklin that states, "House guests are like fish. Both begin to stink after three days."

I think the most important distinguishing factor here is not whether there's a dedicated guestroom, but rather how close the relationship is between house guest and host.

For example, if you were to have a brand new baby, your mother or sister might unpack and stay on your fold-out sofa for two weeks. But when you visit a college friend and her family at their summer home, three days is plenty.

Having company takes a lot out of a hostess, even if she's willingly volunteered for the job. Ideally, you want to depart with your hosts wishing you'd stayed just one more day (as opposed to bolting the door behind you, high-fiving each other and breathing a giant sigh of relief).

Other habits of gold-star guests:

1. Clearly communicate your schedule and adhere to it, i.e. "I'll be arriving at 6 p.m. on Thursday and heading back to the city early Sunday afternoon."

2. Bring a thoughtful hostess gift. It can be anything from a coffee table book to a fabulous bottle of wine. (Or better yet, the monogrammed Kate Carlyle ice bucket pictured here!)

3. Be game for whatever your hosts have planned. This isn't the time to say, "I'm not really a museum kind of person..." or "I was really hoping we'd go to that darling little restaurant down by the beach."

4. Speaking of restaurants, it's always nice to pick up a check for lunch or dinner.

5. Write a lovely thank-you note just as soon as you get home.

Good luck with your piece!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanner.com!

Derby Party in a Day

2010-04-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

We southerners take sporting events very seriously -- especially the ones that call for sport coats, sundresses, and afternoon cocktails.

Catch the Kentucky Derby on NBC tomorrow at 5 p.m. (or 2 p.m. out here on the west coast).

Believe it or not, you can pull together a fabulous Derby party in no time. All you need is a little creativity and a sociable crew.

Things to do Today:

1. Rally the troops. Get on Facebook, send out a mass email, or pick up the phone to spread the word. Tell all the ladies hats are encouraged!

2. Obtain ingredients for mint juleps (and brew a batch of ice tea for guests who don't do bourbon).

3. Since it's the run for the roses, buy a dozen red ones and pop 'em in a vase.

4. Print a list of contenders and pick your pony!

Things to do Tomorrow:

1. Plan your outfit. Pretty spring dresses are a must.

2. Make sure you have enough ice. Simple, yet critical.

3. Take a tip from Cynthia Rowley's Swell. Buy a few KFC family packs, discard buckets and telltale sporks, then serve it all on your best china.

4. Put someone in charge of keeping track of the bets (this is an excellent job for husbands and boyfriends).

5. Enjoy the most exciting two minutes in sports!

Celebrate Mama

2010-04-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

Good gracious, Mother's Day is coming right up! Time to book those brunch reservations and shop for cards.

As for gift ideas, how about...

1. A chic Longchamp tote bag. Since these are nylon, they can easily be monogrammed. (Just ask Mama Manners -- she got a red one for Christmas!)

2. Adorable new workout gear. (I mean, yoga pants with a skirt? Too cute!)

3. Something clever for the kitchen courtesy of Blue Ribbon General Store.

4. A wreath of peonies to hang on the door.

5. A preppy bangle bracelet from Henri Bendel.

6. A framed photo of one of her favorite people on earth. You!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas out there!

Unsuitable Suit

2010-04-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, y'all.

Say bonjour to Jennifer Lopez, who's dutifully promoting The Back-Up Plan in Paris. (Lucky duck!)

I love the idea of this little white suit. Clean lines, flattering cut, fabulous shoes...

But then we get a woeful peek under the hood.

Nothing that couldn't have been fixed with a camisole, of course.

I've said it before: bare midriffs are never the answer. Even for people who complete triathlons twelve minutes after having twins.

Tragique!

Designing Woman

2010-04-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

Look out, Tory Burch. There's another modern preppy hot on your heels!

Meet Elizabeth McKay, a designer who brings her personal aesthetic to a carefully edited line of wardrobe staples. Fresh, poppy colors, expert tailoring, and a logo that contains her monogram -- it's a match made in heaven for shoppers like us!

1. If I had to pick just one favorite item, it would be the Pimm's Cocktail Top (not least because I love actual Pimm's Cup cocktails). It also comes in green and white.

2. The Dark and Stormy Capri Pants have a nautical twist. I haven't seen them in person but I'd bet my pearls on the quality of this fabric.

3. Finally, check out the Down Shift Dress, which comes in two other swoon-worthy prints. Summer fun indeed!

One other fashion tidbit just for L.A. readers: Tim Gunn will be at the Kate Spade store in Pasadena tonight. There will be champagne, shopping, and spring style tips aplenty!

Charmed, I'm Sure

2010-04-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Tiffany Charms, now you can swap out the charm on your signature sunglasses to suit your mood.

Feeling lovey? Flaunt the heart. Overcome with brand loyalty? Use the logo from 1837. Going minimal? Try a simple "T."

Now, I'm a fan of anything that gives me more accessory options (like these adorable ribbon watch bands from Three Chickadees). And obviously I love anything that helps me channel Audrey.

But my question is this:

For $320, why isn't it my initial?

:)

Vino Vacay

2010-04-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a doll just needs to get out of town.

This weekend, I was invited to go wine tasting in beautiful Santa Barbara, CA. We zoomed up north and hit Star Lane, Melville, Lafond and several other lovely spots.

Lush scenery, extraordinary wine, convivial company, and a fabulous dinner at Grappolo = total sensory perfection!

A few haute tips, should you ever find yourself in a similar (fortunate) position:

1. Don't feel you have to finish every taste. Just take a sip. If you don't love it, pour the rest into the dump bucket on the wine bar in front of you.

Our party witnessed a taster who carried his own personal plastic cup, into which he spit every last drop. I know some people do this to avoid drinking too much, but from an etiquette point of view I simply can't support it. Plus I just wasn't raised to waste wine. =)

2. The most expensive vino on the list won't necessarily be your favorite. Keep an open mind and have fun trying new new things. If you find something divine, you can buy a bottle or a case to take home, but you're under no obligation to do so.

3. If you've planned a marathon tasting day, drink lots of water and pack a picnic. (Southern readers will be amused to hear that in California, people put hot sauce on their chicken salad. And guess what? It's delicious.)

4. Don't be intimidated if you're not a wine expert. Most people don't start out as oenophiles (unless they grew up on a vineyard). Just taste, listen and learn as you go.

Hope you had a fantastic weekend, too!

Makeup Wakeup

2010-04-14T06:39:00.000-07:00

For a recent work event, I got dolled up with the help of two talented hair and makeup professionals.

It all started with airbrush makeup, which was new to me but explained a lot about why celebrities always travel with their glam squads. Next came eyeliner, eye shadow, individual faux lashes applied one at a time...

Such fun!

This all got me thinking that my daily cosmetic routine is entirely too tame. Ordinarily, I wear powder, blush, some lip gloss, and mascara. (I have blond lashes, so without the latter, I look like a flu-stricken bunny.)

With a little practice, surely I could pull off this vixen business in my own bathroom mirror.

Thus inspired, I cranked up the volume the other day and experimented with some extra eye makeup.

By 11 a.m., I decided I looked like a can-can dancer.

For me, eyeliner in the daytime is just too much. (Though to quote Carson from Shag: The Movie, "I like the way it looks on some people.")

What's your routine for getting gorgeous? Do you have special tricks you only deploy for evening?

Let's dish!

You're The One That I Want

2010-04-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

In forming female friendships, one must always beware of wolves in chic clothing.

When I meet someone new, I'm looking for a very specific skill set. A warm smile. A wry sense of humor. Excellent wingman potential. Accessories I want to borrow.

Oh, and most importantly? The ability to sing the entire Grease soundtrack from start to finish.

It may sound frivolous, but mark my words:

You should never trust a girl who doesn't love Grease.

If your new bestie can't complete the lyric, "Look at me, I'm _________," for heaven's sake keep walking. This person could very well steal your fella, spill a secret, or shove past you at a sample sale.

Some would argue that other movies (like Clueless, Annie, or perhaps The Notebook) are equally reliable cinematic litmus tests. I'll let y'all debate it, but I'm a purist.

Grease is the word.