Check, Please: How To Split The Bill In Style

Recently, Mr. Manners and I had brunch at a cute neighborhood pub called The Churchill. At the table next to us sat three guys in their 30s. When their bill arrived, they did a curious thing.

One gentleman held out a napkin, into which each dropped his credit card. They folded the corners, gave the bag a shake, and asked the waitress to choose one and charge it.

"One of you is going to hate me!" she exclaimed.

"It's our tradition," they grinned. "Don't worry, it all evens out eventually."

This got me thinking about check-splitting and how awkward it can be to dine with people who calculate every last morsel down to the penny. Whenever possible, the gracious thing to do is divide the bill evenly among friends or couples. Prolonged arithmetic and tedious who-ordered-what negotiations can turn a social outing into a business transaction. No fun!

That said, it's important to be cognizant of our friends' pocketbooks, especially in a recovering economy. If you have three glasses of wine while dining with a pregnant pal, by all means offer to contribute more.

Let's say your dinner companions scoop up the bill before you can kick in. Thank them profusely and be sure to return the favor. (Secretly, sometimes I wish people wouldn't do this. I obsess over scheduling our next rendezvous and restoring order in the universe. I even leave nerdy notes in my calendar so I won't forget!)

In short, we shouldn't worry about being too precise at the end of an outing. The difference between your turkey burger and your friend's crab cakes will surely even out over years of friendship. If you're consistently stuck with a much larger bill, you might want to think about expanding your circle to include more considerate friends.

Or leave it all to chance with a friendly game of restaurant-check roulette! :)

The Only Dress That Mattered

If there's one thing you can count on at the Golden Globes, it's visual noise. Sparkly headbands. Big red lips. All the trends, triumphs, and dubious choices that compete for our attention and focus.

And then there are defining moments in which someone shows up and yanks the red carpet out from underneath everyone else. Last night it was Angelina Jolie, who looked flawless (and fearsome) in Versace. Her expression said, "I am an incandescent, superhuman MOVIE STAR. The rest of you are merely playing for second."

A few stylistic observations:

• J'adore Charlize Theron, but I felt she was a shade too old for that gown. (Just a tad, just a sliver, just a smidge).



• By contrast, Lea Michelle dressed at least two decades beyond her years. She looked like an inveterate cruise ship performer.
  



• Not to be snide, but what was Real Housewife Kyle Richards even doing there?



• The ladies of Modern Family all looked amazing and appropriate, from sexpot Sofia Vegara to demure Julie Bowen.



• Emma Stone is a fashion all-star, but that color wasn't quite right for her.
  



• Julianne Moore in Chanel = YUM.



• Why so dour, Michelle Williams? You're cute as a button! (If you need a reminder, here she is looking fantastic in Jason Wu.) Lovely acceptance speech, though.



• Believe it or not, I liked Tilda Swinton's look. Yes, I'm aware of the 80s music video hair, but that dress was top-shelf.
  



• Meryl Streep should know better.



• This one's a little delicate: Busy Phillips' gown didn't work at all. Unless she's pregnant, in which case it makes perfect sense.
  



• Kate Beckinsale is a great beauty, but I wasn't feeling the boxy bodice of her white dress.



• Our usual reliable people (like Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Richie and Jessica Alba) looked reliably glam and relaxed.



• Poor Sarah Michelle Gellar was hoping for fresh and different and got... a tie-dyed dress that just didn't flatter.



• Katharine McPhee keeps showing up on best dressed lists, but I thought her look was beige at best.



• The custom Prada worked nicely on Zooey Deschanel, but who could see it behind that heavy cloak of hair?



• Bradley Cooper needs to shave but is undeniably delicious.
  



• Speaking of the fellas, Johnny Depp has officially bested Brad Pitt. Was he hotter all along? It's now abundantly clear.
  

Now tell me, what were your best and worst? And how excited are we for the Oscars?

Second Baby Registry

Dear Annabel Manners,

If a mom had a baby a year ago and got pregnant again when that baby was 8 weeks old, is it appropriate for her to register for gifts? How about putting where she is registered on an invite for a sip 'n see? The sip 'n see is for the second baby.

Thank you,
A

Dear A,

Wow! That sounds like a LOT for one mom to manage.

From an etiquette standpoint, there are several things to consider. Let's clarify two important terms:

A baby shower is a party for a new mother-to-be. It's thrown by her family or friends, and the whole purpose is to make sure she has what she needs to welcome and care for the baby. It's perfectly appropriate to register for gifts, though most people don't have showers the second time around.

A sip & see is a casual gathering (often hosted by a family member) whereupon friends are invited over to meet the baby. Lots of guests might bring a little something, but this party is not about gifts. (Click here to read an archived Annabel Manners post on how to host a sip & see.)

Your case is a little unique in that you have to double up on big-ticket items like car seats, high chairs and strollers. (Oh my!) I'm sure your friends and family will understand this, and some may even wish to pitch in on essentials. For this reason, I think it's OK to register, but you shouldn't expect the same type (or volume) of gifts you received when you were pregnant the first time.

Next, let's address the business of notification. You may disagree with me, but I don't believe in putting registry information on party invitations. Ever. I find it greedy and crass. This applies to both bridal and baby showers alike. If a guest wants to know where you're registered, she'll simply ask you or the hostess, or do a little online sleuthing to find out for herself.

Best of luck with your rapidly growing family!

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

Got an etiquette question? Send it to annabel@annabelmanners.com!

Holiday Etiquette: 10 Tips For Celebrating In Style

Season's greetings, dear readers! It is I, your sporadic etiquette blogger, back with some last-minute holiday survival tips. Here's how to stay gracious while keeping spirits bright...

1. Have a go-to hostess gift you can count on. This year, I've relied heavily on my famous rosemary shortbread and these impossibly cute wine-bottle sweaters. Can you stand it?! (Score yours for a mere $8.95 at Pier 1.)


2. Mind your RSVP's and Q's. When you're the hostess, headcount matters. Be a gracious guest by responding promptly and honoring your commitment to attend.

3. That said, don't push yourself to ridiculous lengths. You can't make every single cocktail party, cookie swap, white elephant and yuletide tea. Know when to send polite regrets -- lest you end up like me. (Currently run-down and battling an annoying Christmas cold.)

4. When shopping for gifts, avoid anything that hints at a need for self-improvement on the part of the recipient. Diet books, Botox coupons, and gift memberships to dating websites aren't exactly tidings of comfort and joy. =)

5. Receive graciously. When you open a present, say a sincere thank-you that acknowledges the gift-giver's thought and effort. (Even if you know for a fact that chartreuse throw blanket will be on its way to Goodwill no later than January 2.)

6. Keep track of your gifts so you can send thoughtful handwritten thank-you notes. As longtime readers know, this is considered Annabel Manners 101.

7. Travel in style. A friend of mine recently confided that when flying, he always dresses for the possibility of a first-class upgrade. After all, one never knows. That means no yoga pants or pajamas, even for overnight flights.

8. Here's a party trick that's easier said than done: priortize. What's really more important? Painstakingly stringing popcorn and cranberries in a fit of Martha mania or squeezing in a pre-party power nap so you'll be fresh for the next fete?

9. Accept help. Nobody will mind that half the goodies on your holiday table came from the bakery down the street. Pop them on a silver tray and present them with pride!

10. Cultivate a signature look. When in doubt, black is always elegant for evening. Accessorize with festive jewelry and a fabulous pair of heels. You'll be the belle of any holiday ball! (The dress pictured here is by Tibi.)


Blogger's note: Obviously this list would have been more useful on, say, December 2. Where did the weeks go? I feel like I've been through a holiday hurricane, and I bet you do, too. I'm already crafting a list of resolutions for next year's posting schedule...

In any case, I wish each of you a wonderful, Merry Christmas and a safe, happy new year. See you in 2012!

Annabel Manners In Paris

Bonjour, long lost readers! Hope you'll forgive my blogging truancy. I recently returned from nine glorious days in Paris!


And guess what? I'm engaged! That's right, there will soon be a Mr. Manners, and we couldn't be more excited. :)

Our trip was unforgettably fabulous. A few observations:

1. I studied fashionable locals like an anthropologist in the field. From 20-year-old college girls to chic 60-somethings, Parisian women are unfailingly posh and put together. No one looks sloppy. No one succumbs to elastic pants. It's about handbags, heels and darling coats and scarves. In other words, these are my people.

Here's a glimpse of a delicious Prada store window:


2. I could live quite happily on wine, cheese, and Laduree macarons. While in Paris, the Mr. and I developed a worrying habit. Near the end of our trip, I heard myself say, "Perhaps we should buy one last BIG box. To ease the transition. You know, step us down gradually." Those of you in New York have access to the first-ever U.S. store. Lucky canards.


3. Nine days is too few to see everything Paris has to offer. We hit several museums (I want to be a member of the Musee de Orsay), lingered in Hemingway cafes, marveled at the Pantheon, and admired the Sacre Coeur. Why didn't I spend a whole semester abroad in college? And more importantly, how does one pull that off as an adult?

Here's a peek inside Marie Antoinette's bedroom at Versailles, where naturally I felt right at home.


Alas, now we're back home and normal life has resumed, but there's plenty to report on right here in Los Angeles. The Kardashian family alone could keep an etiquette blogger in business!

Wherever you're reading, I hope you're headed for a gracious and wonderful week. Xo!

Treats For New Parents (And Big Sibs)

A dear friend of mine recently welcomed baby number three - a small sister for two sweet boys under five.

(I adore these children. The oldest once asked a woman in extremely short shorts, "How come you wore your underpants to the park?")


Obviously I wanted to bring them dinner (because that's just what you do) but it dawned on me that the menu might need to be tailored to appeal to a pint-sized palette. I approached the task from a new-mom-and-dad perspective. What could I make that two bleary-eyed people could prepare in a snap?

I started with my insanely easy potato leek soup (recipe at the bottom of this post). It's tasty, nutritious, and freezes like nobody's business. Then came the fun part: brainstorming delectable kid cuisine to go with it. I opted for:

• Plain cheese quesadillas. Nothing but whole wheat tortillas, light cheddar cheese, and a little Earth Balance.
• Poultry a la child: roasted chicken breasts with olive oil, salt and a hint of pepper. When these were done, I cut them into bite-sized pieces and popped them in Tupperware.
• Strawberries. Rinsed, dried, hulled, and halved.
  
• Animal crackers

Preschool perfection!

Annabel's Classic Potato Leek Soup

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 leeks
• 3 baking potatoes (peeled and chopped)
• 1 quart chicken stock (vegetable will do but chicken has more flavor)
• splash of half-and-half (optional)
• plenty of salt and pepper
• chopped herbs (dill, chives, sage, and rosemary all work beautifully)

Trim and wash leeks. (If you've never worked with them before, here's a helpful video from the late great Gourmet magazine.) Pat dry. Melt the butter over medium heat in a large, heavy stockpot.

Gently saute the leeks (about five minutes) until they're translucent. Add potatoes and stock. Increase the heat slightly and cook for exactly 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove from heat. Here's where an immersion blender works wonders (perhaps the best $20 I've ever spent at Target). If you don't have one, you can puree your soup in a regular blender by working in batches.

Season with a generous amount of salt and pepper, tasting until you get precisely the right mix. Swirl in a tiny bit of half-and-half -- you only need a tablespoon or two to boost the richness. Stir in fresh chopped herbs to taste. Divine!

One last thing: as a savvy Annabel Manners reader once pointed out, disposable containers are the only way to go. That way, the new mother won't have to stress about returning them to you.

Congrats to the big brothers and proud parents!

(P.S. The baby pictured here is not my friends' newborn. These people would never name a child "Braelinn," thank you very much. But the cute stationery is available here.)

:)

Texting Etiquette

Nobody makes me laugh quite like The Flip Flop Contessa. She's the life of any party, a legendary hostess, and a hilariously bossy Scorpio with impeccable taste.

We've logged countless hours sipping wine on her porch. Once, when we were making plans to hang out, she said to me:

"Sure, Thursday sounds good. But can we set aside some time to, like, talk about people?"

Occasionally she'll throw me a pointed look and add, "I have a little something to discuss with Annabel Manners..."

Loosely translated, this means, "Someone we know is being insufferable. Wait until you hear about this."

Her latest rant has to do with text etiquette. Specifically, the question of when to text and when to call.

Obviously texting is convenient, addictive and fun. It's perfect for tactical topics like:

• I'm running 10 minutes late. Eek!
  
• Meet me in the shoe department @ Bloomies :)
  
• Reservation is under my name.
• Low on wine! Can u please grab some on your way?
  

That said, there are also things one should NEVER text. Things like:

• We're engaged!
• It's over.
  
• Guess who's pregnant?
  
• I have terrible news...
  

Of course there are exceptions and nuances to every rule, it's just that certain topics (and certain people) deserve an old-school phone call.

As our phones become increasingly capable, it's hard to remember their (former) primary use.

Today's Haute Tip: If you're about to drop some big news, pick up the phone and dial. Save the texting for tiny developments, not huge, tectonic shifts. LOL.

P.S. Love the cell phone case pictured here? Visit LipstickShades.com. I'm obsessed with mine. Obsessed!